A lot of guys nowadays are brainwashed by romantic comedies and the media into believing many wrong things about dating. The narrative is that you take a girl out, shower her with affection, buy her gifts, and then wait for the sex to rain down from the sky.
The fact of the matter is, as you may have already figured out through practice, this just doesn’t work.
Women aren’t looking for men who do them favors (or, rather, they’re not looking for a boyfriend who will do them favors), so you’re going to have to cut back on some of your “nice guy” tendencies if you’re going to have some success. Now, this doesn’t mean you have to be a jerk, but this does mean that you have to be confident and hold your own, and that you have to expect her to bring more value to the table than just her good looks.
In other words, don’t sell yourself short—and she won’t, either.
That’s all well and good, you might think to yourself, but how do you even find a girl to date in the first place? If you’ve tried bars or clubs, or other nightlife venues, you may have found the girls’ attention spans short and their quality lacking.
Forget all that.
Here is a short step-by-step summary of how to pick up a girl you will actually click with and keep her around for awhile:
Step 1: The Approach
You find quality girls the same place you find quality people in general—not at bars.
Start up a new hobby and go to some local meet-ups that have to do with that hobby. Hang out in places where people share your interests.
Get out of the house.
Women are everywhere.
In fact, you can even try “cold approaching” women who look interesting in random places like parks, though of course that takes a lot more work because you’re going to have to approach a lot of them before you find one that might remotely match you.
You can also try online dating site. If you have the guts, look through your mutual friends on Facebook and hit up some girls who seem to have interests in common with you. Make up an excuse to talk to them like For example, if you find that you’re both into Harry Potter: “Hey, I really like that Hermione Granger costume you had on in that one pic. Are you into cosplay too? Where did you buy that wig?” Make an observation about something on her profile and make it as authentic as possible.
Regardless of the location or situation, whenever you do see a girl you like, don’t wait longer than a few seconds to approach and introduce yourself or you’ll lose your nerve.
Forget silly pick-up lines, forget gimmicks. You don’t want to position yourself as a clown who exists for her entertainment. Just start off with, “Hello, my name is…,” and ask her something relevant to the situation. Try to find some common ground. You know—use your basic human interaction skills. A lot of guys who “aren’t good with women” are really just people who don’t get out enough.
Step 2: First Date
Maybe you met her at the park. Maybe you met her in your drawing class at the community center. Maybe you even met her online. It doesn’t matter; arrange your first date as soon as possible. If she seems to just want to text back and forth about the B.S. that happened throughout her day, be wary. She may just want you to be her cute little pen pal or a shoulder to cry on. Trust, this does not lead to sex or any sort of romantic relationship. As much as you may tearfully get “close” and talk about your feelings via text, you cannot move the relationship in a romantic direction without physical presence. Get out on a date, and do it fast—ideally within the first few texts or phone calls.
When you’re texting, suggest a neutral place where you can both “hang out.” Depending on what kind of interaction you’ve had up until this point, she may still be a little hesitant to go to your place alone, so unless she is already eager for this, don’t push too much. Somewhere simple like a coffee shop or a park would be fine. Make sure it’s somewhere you can talk to each other and get to know each other better without a lot of noise or interruptions. Ideally, this location should be close to your home, so that you can move things to your place as soon as she seems receptive.
Step 3: Turning Her Into Your Girlfriend
To turn a girl you have met into your girlfriend, you must keep her interest, and you must help her switch from feelings of doubt towards you to a sense of confidence that you’re an attractive, worthy guy for her. The easiest way to do this is to sleep with her as soon as possible. Woo her quickly and move fast, and she will be spending all her mental energy trying to justify why you’re so “different” from other men that she slept with you on the first date or bent her rules for you.
After you’ve been seeing her for awhile and sleeping with her regularly, she should naturally bring up the topic of some sort of commitment. It’s better that you allow her to do this than bring it up yourself, though you certainly can; it’s just more powerful when she feels that it was her idea—it makes it seem like she was chasing you and you were the prize.
These steps were just an overview of course, but these are merely some suggestions to get you to see an alternative narrative—one that actually works—for getting into a relationship where both you and your girlfriend can feel happy and attracted to one another.