You remember back when you were in school. Everyone wanted to be “liked” by everyone else. In fact, even the word “like”, implies a connection between sameness and affection. No to mention that when you’re a teenager, to be like someone is often a prerequisite for being liked by that person.
There were, of course, different ways to conform and court popularity. You could play up an inherent trait and look for people with similar qualities. Funny people might end up in the Drama club, physically strong people might come together in the Weight-lifting club, fearless craziness could get you in with the Rock climbers, and people with an aptitude for argument or ideas would get drawn together into Debate or Science clubs… Or you could meld yourself to a social clique based on shared interests: Punks, Goths, Arties, Geeks or Stoners, etc. You could even conform to a group of people who specialized in not seeming to care about conforming. They were the “Cool” kids. Yet you didn’t just mould yourself to other people’s interests, talents, or skills. You used your own interests, talents, and skills to gravitate toward – or to even attract – people who shared them. And, out of the conformist cliques based on some type of talent or skill would come the perfection of that talent or skill.
Next came work, and accomplishment, and rewards; all of which reduced the pressure to conform almost to the point where it didn’t exist. You conformed along the lines of who you were and what you did best, and after a short while your substance as an individual replaced the need to conform. The singularity of your personality and your achievements attracted people even more than your reassuring resemblance to them did. You became an adult.
However, there was always one type of person that didn’t belong to any particular group. He belonged to every group. He (or even she) didn’t gravitate toward a clique based on a shared interest, or talent, or skill. He gravitated toward any clique that would have him.
He could be the “class clown” who ingratiated himself at the price of his dignity; or the kid that vandalized bus shelters, or caused outrage in order to please. Or she was the “easy” girl. Such a person didn’t appeal to others on the basis of a quality that they shared with them, or a quality which was also the essence of an activity that did not belong to everyone: athletic prowess, dramatic skill, intellectual capacity, etc. Such a person divorced popularity from identity, and from the kind of accomplishment that might boost self-esteem and strengthen identity. He transformed his very self – not his interests, talents, or skills, his self – into a product that he tailored to fit the needs of others. For this type of person, there was no such thing as other people to try to relate to. There was only an audience to try to please.
Therefore, in your quest to have a better, more fulfilling sex life, avoid this type of “universal personality”, which plays to the lowest common denominator.
The person who will do anything to be popular is the most basic kind of person, since he depends only on his ability to become like other people, rather than on some personal talent that might make him superior to other people.
Posted by Jonathan as Philosophy, Sociology at 2:28 AM GMT
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If you want to extract a woman’s phone number, then picking the right soundtrack for the attempt will significantly increase your chances of scoring.
That’s according to French psychologists, who found that an “average-looking man” doubled his chances of success when the object of his desire had been softened up with a “romantic ballad”, as opposed to a “neutral” ditty.
A team from the University of southern Brittany and the University of southern Paris tried out their chat-up line on 87 female volunteers aged 18 to 20.
They first spent five minutes in a waiting room listening either to Je L’aime a Mourir (I Love Her to Death) by Francis Cabrel, or L’heure du The (Time For Tea) by Vincent Delerm.
Thinking they were taking part in a consumer survey, they then moved to a different room to “discuss the difference between two types of biscuit with the 20-year-old man”.
After the pair had chewed over the comparative merits of the biscuits, the man pitched:
My name is Antoine, as you know. I think you are very nice and I was wondering if you would give me your phone number. I’ll phone you later and we can have a drink together somewhere next week.
The researchers asked Antoine to “to gaze and smile at the participant” while she mulled her response.
The result was that 52.2 per cent of those who’d been wooed with Je L’aime a Mourir agreed to the liaison, compared to just 27.9 per cent who’d been offered L’heure du The.
The scientists conclude in the journal Psychology of Music:
It was found that women previously exposed to romantic lyrics complied with the request more readily than women exposed to the neutral ones. The difference was significant. If you’re having trouble getting a date, picking the right soundtrack could improve the odds.
And in case men out there think it’s just women who can be manipulated by mush music, the researchers previously demonstrated that “men spent more money in florists when romantic music was being played“.
Posted by Jonathan as Psychology, Sociology at 1:30 AM GMT
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Women with higher levels of emotional intelligence appear to experience greater sexual satisfaction, according to research.
The study, conducted by the Twin Research Department at King’s College London, suggests that greater emotional intelligence (the ability to monitor and manage feelings and emotions in one’s self and others) is linked to higher numbers of orgasms.
The findings suggest that low emotional intelligence is a risk factor for female orgasmic disorder, one of the most common sexual problems suffered by women – where up to 30 percent of women find it difficult or impossible to reach a climax during sex.
The study, published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine, involved a total of 2,035 female twins from the TwinsUK registry, ranging in age from 18 to 83.
Professor Tim Spector, director of the Twin Research Department, said:
These findings show that emotional intelligence is an advantage in many aspects of your life including the bedroom. This study will help enormously in the development of behavioural and cognitive therapies to improve women’s sexual lives.
The TwinsUK registry consists of adult twins who have agreed to take part in studies to investigate the causes of common disorders – using twins makes it possible to disentangle genetic and environmental risk factors.
All participants completed questionnaires giving details of their sexual behaviour and performance and also answered questions designed to test their emotional intelligence.
A significant association was found between emotional intelligence and frequency of orgasm both during masturbation and sexual intercourse.
Women in the bottom 25 percent of the emotional intelligence range had twice the normal risk of infrequent orgasm.
Andrea Burri, a Psychologist and lead author of the King’s study, said:
Emotional intelligence seems to have a direct impact on women’s sexual functioning by influencing her ability to communicate her sexual expectations and desires to her partner.
Ms Burri continued that there was a possible connection with a woman’s ability to fantasise during sex.
Emotional intelligence seems to have a direct impact on women’s sexual functioning by influencing her ability to communicate her sexual expectations and desires to her partner.
Posted by Jonathan as Psychology, Sociology at 4:18 AM GMT
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According to new research from the Royal Pharmaceutical Society of Great Britain, adults aged 45 and over, when starting new sexual relationships, are taking chances with their sexual health and are at risk of catching sexually transmitted infections (STIs).
When questioned, almost one in five 45-54 year olds (19%) admitted having had unprotected sex with someone other than a long-term partner in the past five years.
Surprisingly, nearly one-third of this age group (32%) described their risk of getting an STI when having unprotected sex with a new partner or someone other than their current partner as either unlikely or very unlikely. Even more worryingly, a further 20% believed that their chances of picking up an infection were ‘next to nothing’ in these circumstances.
When comparing the older and younger generations, just 13% of 18-24 year olds believed their chances of acquiring an STI from unprotected sex were ‘next to nothing’, compared to twice as many over 55s (25%).
A quarter of 45-54 year olds surveyed (23%) said they didn’t use contraception because they trusted the person they were sleeping with not to have an STI, with one in ten saying they didn’t like the feeling of condoms.
Heidi Wright, Head of Practice at the RPSGB, said:
The majority of safe sex messages are targeted at teenagers, but as more adults begin new relationships later in life, they quite clearly need advice too. Over the last decade STIs have risen significantly in the 45-64 age group.
You can’t always tell who has an STI and infections don’t discriminate on the basis of age. If you have unprotected sex with a new partner, you are at risk of STIs, which often show few symptoms but have can have serious consequences to health.
It can be difficult to know where to go for information about sexual health, but your local Pharmacy can be an excellent source of advice. Pharmacies are open long hours and weekends when GP surgeries are closed. Most now have a private consultation area where patients can discuss their problems confidentially and there is no need for an appointment.
Posted by Jonathan as Biology, Sociology at 11:59 PM GMT
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Risky sexual behaviour, such as having unprotected sex with multiple partners puts people at risk of catching sexually transmitted infections, but not as much as the characteristics of their sexual partners, according to a new study.
The findings, which University of Florida and University of Pittsburgh researchers report in the April issue of Sexually Transmitted Diseases, could assist healthcare providers when screening patients for STD risks.
University of Florida College of Medicine, Assistant Professor of Epidemiology and Health policy research, Stephanie A. S. Staras, said:
If you are choosing high-risk partners, you are much more likely to have an STD, even when we account for your condom-use patterns. The theory is simple: You need to have sex with someone who has an STD to get an STD. Based on the prevalence of STDs in the United States, it seems like the public may not fully understand their risk.
The study examined the sexual activities, partner characteristics and STD diagnoses of 412 subjects between the ages of 15 and 24. Amongst the subjects whose partners were categorized as high-risk, half were diagnosed with an STD. By comparison, only 40 percent of the people whose own behaviours were labelled as high-risk were diagnosed with an STD.
University of Florida researchers measured five specific characteristics to gauge how risky certain partners were. The characteristics studied included whether their partner has a problem with marijuana or alcohol, was at least five years older or younger, had been in jail, had sex with other people in the past year or had been treated for an STD in the past year.
The researchers then created a composite, totalling up the number of negative partner characteristics for each subject and comparing them against the number of each person’s own individual risky behaviours, which ranged from how often they used condoms to how many people they had sex with.
Overall, researchers found considering all of the partner characteristics together was the strongest predictor for STDs. People whose partners had five or more risk characteristics were three times more likely to have an STD than those whose partners had no more than two characteristics.
Of these characteristics, the most prescient were if a partner had already had an STD and if a couple had an age difference of more than five years. Subjects whose partners were five years older or younger than themselves were more than twice as likely to be diagnosed with an STD than participants whose partners were about the same age, the researchers found.
Lead author of the study, Professor Staras said:
Healthcare providers usually ask patients about their own sexual behaviours, but inquiring only about a person’s own behaviours may cause some patients to slip through the cracks. For example, some subjects in the study reported very low-risk behaviours but were having sex with very high-risk partners.
Adding a few simple questions about partner characteristics during STD screenings could help providers catch more patients who need to be tested and educated about condom use and other protective measures.
Partner selection is an area of STD prevention that could complement what we are already doing with promoting condom use, and could possibly really help people. If somehow we could convince individuals to incorporate this information in a meaningful way into their decision-making, then we could reduce STDs.
Professor Richard A. Crosby, Chairman of the Department of health behaviour at the University of Kentucky and a Co-director of the Rural Center for AIDS/STD Prevention, who was not involved with this study, said:
It’s important for people to remember that the risks mentioned in the study are just generalizations, not set-in-stone giveaways for STDs.
From a practical and prevention perspective, we still need to rely on people using valid methods of protection to avoid being infected or infecting.
Posted by Jonathan as Biology, Sociology at 2:11 AM GMT
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A five question quick and simple assessment may help determine if a woman has low sexual desire, otherwise known as hypoactive sexual desire disorder.
In a study, released this month in The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 263 women were recruited at 27 centres throughout the United States. These women took the simple decreased sexual desire screening test, and their answers were then reviewed with a clinician who was not an expert in female sexual desire.
Independently, and while being unaware of the non-expert clinician’s opinion, an expert in female sexual dysfunction conducted a standard diagnostic interview with the study participant.
The results found that the decreased sexual desire screening tool and standard diagnostic interview were in agreement in 85.2 percent of all the cases.
Irwin Goldstein, M.D., Co-author of the study and Director of Sexual Medicine at Alvarado Hospital in San Diego, California, said:
This simple screening tool can be a great first line test to see if a woman has low sexual desire. I am encouraged that this study may help improve the dialogue about a woman’s sexual health in the doctor’s office.
Dr. Goldstein, who is also Editor-in-chief of The Journal of Sexual Medicine, says that many health care professionals are often reluctant to talk to their patients about sexual health for several reasons, including limited time with a patient, lack of training, embarrassment, and the absence of effective treatment options for women.
The entire test consists of the following questions that women answer with either a Yes or No:
- In the past was your level of sexual desire or interest good or satisfying to you?
- Has there been a decrease in your level of sexual desire or interest?
- Are you bothered by your decreased level of sexual desire or interest?
- Would you like your level of sexual desire or interest to increase?
- Please check all the factors that you may feel may be contributing to your current decrease in sexual desire or interest:
- An operation, depression, injuries or other medical condition
- Medication, drugs or alcohol you are currently taking
- Pregnancy, recent childbirth, menopausal symptoms
- Other sexual issues you may be having such as pain, decreased arousal or orgasm
- Your partner’s sexual problems
- Dissatisfaction with your relationship or partner
- Stress or fatigue
If a woman says “No” to any of the questions in 1-4, then she does not qualify for the diagnosis of generalized acquired low sexual function. If the women answers “Yes” to questions 1-4 and “No” to the factors in question 5, then she may have generalized acquired low sexual desire.
Dr. Goldstein said the screening tool should be made a key part of any women’s health check up.
Posted by Jonathan as Psychology, Sociology at 10:00 PM GMT
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Fantasy has long been a rich part of mankind’s sex life; but it wasn’t until recently that Sexologists began undertaking “scientific” research into what part, and to what extent, fantasy plays a part in our sexuality.
Researchers such as like Alfred Kinsey, Masters and Johnson, Shere Hite and Nancy Friday have all made groundbreaking discoveries – but there have also been other findings – such as, women’s fantasies are more likely to involve their partners, whereas men’s often have to do with Jenna Jameson’s car breaking down at the side of the road.
Investigators at lavalife.com recently presented the following list (described as some semi-scientific research into what the top fantasies of both sexes are, whether and how they differ, and what if anything, all this means):
Top Male Sex Fantasies
It’s safe to say, since guys spend most of their time trying to figure out how to get sex, and then avoiding the phone afterwards, that a lot of their fantasies are about power. In other words, some of their favourite reveries reflect the desire to skip the perennial smile-and-wink, followed by dinner-and-a-movie, and get straight to the action.
10. Domination / Submission. Bondage and sex slave fantasies are popular scenarios. However, since most guys are too lazy to learn how to tie a proper knot, there’s little need to worry about coming home to find ropes tied to the bedposts.
9. Harem. This is the one where he’s the only male in a room full of willing women. And no, we’re not talking about The View.
8. Younger woman / older woman. This one’s fairly obvious. For some reason guys seem predisposed to feeling an attraction for women out of their age range, whether younger (for breeding) or older (for learning). Blame it on evolution.
7. Orgy. This is one of those fantasies that are probably better left un-acted-upon. Sure, it seems like a good idea at the time but the planning, the etiquette and the ensuing awkwardness cancel out the initial thrill. Errr, not that we’d know for sure.
6. Watching your girlfriend / spouse with another man. Again, probably best un-acted upon. Just rent ‘Indecent Proposal’ instead.
5. Forbidden fruit. Having sex with the boss’s wife while on the phone with the boss; his girlfriend’s sister coming over and catching him in a pair of your high heels – if it’s wrong and morally base, he’s probably imagined it at some point.
4. Sex with a stranger. This one always livens up the commute to work.
3. Role-playing / Costumes. As clichéd as it sounds, guys do want you to dress up as a Nurse / French maid / Princess Leia and not just at Halloween.
2. Sex on location. Probably the office would make a lot of guys’ number one place, outside of home, to have sex; the aisles of Office Depot, though, would probably be a distant 9th or 10th.
1. Threesome. If you guessed this as the number one male fantasy, give yourself (and your girlfriend) a pat on the back (preferably in front of your boyfriend).
Top Female Sex Fantasies
Women’s sex fantasies differ from men’s in that their scenarios are more likely to transgress societal conventions. Since women’s behaviour is viewed more judgmentally, their fantasies are more likely to involve doing what they’re not supposed to – i.e., “being bad.” At least, that’s what our research (Girls Gone Wild in Cancun) indicates.
10. Voyeurism. Yes, she wants to watch as much as you do. Almost.
9. Exhibitionism. This is a big one, particularly in today’s over-sexed climate. But women have been exhibiting themselves since as early as 1950, maybe even earlier.
8. Domination / Forced sex. As politically incorrect as it is to say, research puts this hot potato fantasy pretty high up on the list. According to Masters and Johnson, the “forced-sex scenario” is second only to taking a different partner than her current beau; according to Nancy Friday (My Secret Garden), it’s second to none. We have to stress, though, this is fantasy we’re talking about, people.
7. Sex in a public place. Here’s some overlap with the guys’; however, we wouldn’t be surprised if women showed a little more imagination when it came to sex out in the world. Such as, at a pro-sports game, with all the action caught on the JumboTron.
6. Two or more guys. Maybe it’s because porn seems to have taken over a large portion of society, but we’re guessing that this fantasy rates more highly in current studies than it did when Masters and Johnson first began conducting their investigations.
5. Older woman / younger man. Call this the “Mrs. Robinson” (after The Graduate) scenario. The fantasy of seducing a much younger man – her son’s friend, perhaps? – is probably one of the oldest in the book.
4. Having a man as a sex slave. More than the sexual favours, what really turns women on about this one is the housekeeping possibilities.
3. Sapphic romp. Wishful thinking on men’s part or as real as Mardi Gras…? Since most women admit to having sexual feelings at one time or another for another woman, and since the success of Katy Perry’s “I Kissed a Girl,” we’re guessing the latter.
2. High-priced call girl. What woman hasn’t considered, at least fleetingly, the possibilities of somehow making cash money in a way frowned upon by society? The illicitness, not to mention illegality, of prostitution makes for some sizzling fantasy fodder.
1. Being carried off by a sexy stranger. One need only look at the sheer volume of romance novels sold to know this one never goes out of style.
Posted by Jonathan as Anthropology, Sociology at 9:27 PM GMT
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The implication of two studies into hormonal changes associated with Sadomasochistic (S&M) activities including spanking, bondage and flogging suggest that it could bring consenting couples closer together.
Scientists from Northern Illinois University in DeKalb measured levels of the stress hormone Cortisol in thirteen men and women at an S&M party in Arizona, before, during and after participating in Sadomasochistic activities.
Lead researcher Brad Sagarin found that during S&M scenes, Cortisol levels rose significantly in those receiving stimulation, but dropped back to normal within 40 minutes if the scene went well. However, there was no change in those inflicting the activity.
In a further experiment, the Researchers measured testosterone levels in 45 men and women, at an S&M event in Colorado. The results of that experiment showed that there was a significant increase in receiving women only.
Donatella Marazziti of the University of Pisa, Italy, said that the boost might help women cope with the aggressive nature of S&M activities, or that it could be another sign of stress. However, in both studies, couples who said the party went well also reported increases in relationship closeness.
Richard Wiseman, a Psychologist at the University of Hertfordshire in Hatfield, added that almost any shared activity would be likely to promote interpersonal closeness, saying:
It doesn’t have to be tying up your partner or placing clamps on their nipples, it could be something as simple as cooking a meal together or even doing the housework as a duo.
Nick Neave, a Psychologist at the University of Northumbria, said the results were interesting, but future studies should control for whether participants experienced orgasm – which is associated with reduced stress and an increase in hormones associated with partner-bonding and affection.
The study appears in the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior.
Posted by Jonathan as Psychology, Sociology at 2:54 PM GMT
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A new study highlights a link between sexual quality of life and hormonal measures, independent from weight.
According to findings, due to be published in the Journal of Clinical Endocrinology & Metabolism, the more obese a man, the greater his hormonal changes and the worse his sex life. However, the study’s authors also found that gastric bypass surgery can help reverse those problems.
The researchers investigated the weight, body mass index (BMI) and reproductive hormone levels of 64 obese men at the start of the study and again two years later, after some of them had what’s known as Roux-en-Y gastric bypass surgery. The participants also asked to fill out questionnaires about the quality of their lives.
Lead Author, Dr. Ahmad Hammoud, of the University of Utah, said:
Previous studies have found that obesity is correlated to lower sperm count and can be associated with infertility, but we wanted to know if obesity was biologically associated with an unsatisfying sex life, and if so, could it be reversible. Our results show that the answer to both questions may be yes.
In our study population, we found that lower Testosterone levels and diminished ratings for sexual quality of life were correlated with increased BMI. Subjects who lost weight through bariatric surgery experienced a reduction in Estradiol levels, an increase in Testosterone levels and an increase in ratings of sexual quality of life.
The study authors note that further studies are needed to determine the cause-effect relationship.
Posted by Jonathan as Biology, Sociology at 12:53 AM GMT
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Does the internet change adolescents into aggressive assholes? Or do socially incompetent teens naturally gravitate towards spending time on the internet?
In a research paper published by the Journal of Adolescent Health, researchers at Kaohsiung Medical University in Taiwan said that they had found evidence that teenagers addicted to the Internet exhibited more aggressive behaviour than their non-addicted counterparts.
In a study polling 9,405 Taiwanese teenagers about their Internet activities and behaviour, the researchers found that those with signs of “internet addiction” were more likely to say they had hit, shoved or threatened someone in the past year.
This link remained, even when the investigators accounted for other factors — including the teenagers’ scores on measures of self-esteem and depression, as well as their exposure to TV violence.
Based on their responses, twenty-five percent of male respondents and thirteen percent of females were diagnosed as being addicted to the Internet – which according to the research team was described as being a preoccupation with online activities, “withdrawal” symptoms like irritability or moodiness if unable to access the internet for a while and skipping real life activities in order to devote more time to online ones.
Among those people considered to fit the “addicted to the Internet” profile, thirty-seven percent had reported aggressive behaviour the previous year. Although, the type of Internet activity also appeared to be a factor.
Online chatting, gambling, gaming, and spending time at online forums or pornography sites were all linked to aggressive behaviour. In contrast, teens that devoted their time to online research and studying were less likely than their peers to be violence-prone.
According to the researchers, certain online activities may encourage adolescents to “release their anger” or otherwise be aggressive in ways they normally would not try in the real world. Although, whether this eventually pushes them to be more aggressive in real life is not yet clear, the researchers said.
So, the findings do not prove conclusively that Internet addiction breeds violent behaviour in teens. Since, “it is possible that violence-prone teenagers are more likely to obsessively use the Internet”, explained lead researcher Dr. Chih-Hung Ko.
However, Dr. Ko recommends that parents and teachers talk to children about their Internet use and their general attitudes toward violence, and then intervene as early as possible to prevent teenagers from becoming addicted to the Internet.
Posted by Jonathan as Psychology, Sociology at 12:46 AM GMT
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