I’ve been reading through the Sex and Society advice over at Pravda.ru recently. And a few of the articles there have left me asking “Just what was the point of writing that?”
The translation isn’t too amazing, however it is understandable, although unfortunately I don’t have the time to correct it properly. Anyway, see what you think… The Russians point out:
It is generally believed that the difference between men and women is enormous. Women and men differ in almost every imaginable aspect of human life, especially when it comes to psychology.
- A woman does not have a man’s habit to scratch her noggin when she thinks of an answer to a confusing question, for example. Women do not like to show they are confused. They never want to ruin their hairdo with that gesture either.
- Women will never understand why footballers stand in a line with their hands crossed before a penalty kick during a match. In addition, women never shudder when a male character gets kicked in the groin in a movie.
- When a woman yawns she covers her mouth with the palm of her hand, not with a fist.
- After taking a bath, a woman grabs a towel and makes a turban on her head from it, at least for one minute. The reasons of such a weird Oriental ritual are unknown.
- A woman does not get mad when her underwear gets stuck between her buttocks. Women joyfully wear those items of torture called bikinis.
- Many women worry about their looks when having sex.
- Women open bottles with bottle openers.
- A woman feels awkward if she does not carry anything in her hands. That is why they always carry their handbags around.
- Women are absolutely indifferent to their genitals; they hardly know each other. Women do not talk to them, they do not give funny nicknames to them and they never get angry with them.
- Sitting down in public transportation, women keep their legs together. That is why men often prefer to sit next to a woman because in this case they can sit spread-eagle.
- If a woman finds her fly unzipped in a public place, she does not seem to care too much about it.
- When a woman dresses up to go out, she puts on a blouse first. Pants come second. Men work it vice versa.
- Finally, when an act of love ends, women do not feel like sleeping. They feel like talking and kissing.
Posted by Jonathan as Miscellaneous, Psychology at 1:15 AM EST
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When I think of Japan, a number of unusual images come to mind: dubious whaling practises, a people obsessed with gadgetry and comics, who wear unusually cut clothes, and even surgical masks while in the streets, etc.
Similarly, self-proclaimed seduction experts, with their over-hyped claims, are an even more bizarre and often mind bogglingly wacky group of people; generating pseudo-scientific ideas about how to meet and shag women, and then attempting to sell their theories to more gullible, lonely members of the public. I suspect that these people and their notions are more use in helping people with too much spare cash fit their wallets into their pockets, rather than assisting anyone in enjoying a high quality sex life.
But, what if we could merge these two ideas together? The result would undoubtedly be a weirder, crazier outcome than most people could possibly imagine… And yet, that’s precisely what Wired magazine reports has happened in Tokyo, where apparently something called Nanpa (the act of picking up women) has become rather popular; with the opening of “at least half a dozen Nanpa schools“.
The founder, a gentleman by the name of Satoshi Fujita, a 48 year old balding Magician, has clearly learned a thing or two from the “Your life experiences are worth more than a postgraduate education” fake degree mills (favoured by charlatans such as John Gray), since he is asserting that he has invented a proprietary “science” based on “a decade of careful research.” This in turn has purportedly allowed him to become “Japan’s most sought-after dating coach for geeks.”
By Mr Fujita’s own claim (and with a charge of ¥30,000 each), he says that he teaches more than a hundred geeks per month; who predictably have very little interaction with women, except through online porn; and not enough intelligence to realise that having real life sex means meeting real life people first of all.
Perhaps, dear reader, you think I’m being harsh on the Director of “The Pickup School for Men Who Can’t Get Any” [it really does have that name], after all, it provides a (somewhat overpriced) service to socially inept people. So, let’s look at some of the students that were mentioned. After all, I would expect that Mr Fujita would spotlight the achievements of his star pupils, who in turn, will demonstrate the efficacy of his new “science”.
Firstly, we have the splendidly named Hachioji Robocop, a 27 year old Civil servant, who has been taking the course since 2004. Mr Robocop has had sex five times in the past three years, and it only took six months worth of lessons for him to lose his virginity.
Details of the other trainee’s successes are sketchy, but there’s Jay, a 39 year old Executive at an electronics manufacturer, who was publicly accused of stalking his assistant. Jay also spent ¥2,000,000 to get the Yakuza to go after a girl, before deciding that it wasn’t his best idea. Jay has studied under Satoshi Fujita for three years, too.
Most impressive however is T-Univ Grad, a 22 year old recent hire at a big corporation. Mr Grad has recovered from an early belief that smiling women were conspiring against him, and can now sleep with a woman in just two hours and twenty minutes, by using a magic trick that “makes women horny”. Unfortunately, we aren’t told how long it takes to reach this level of proficiency, or if T-Univ Grad uses a stopwatch.
Analysing the report in more detail, the secrets of their successes seem to depend more on proficiency with Thaumaturgy, rather than any new branch of “science”; since we are told “Women like laughter, compliments and magic tricks” (although I suspect that the students might not be being taught the difference between someone laughing with you, and someone laughing at you.)
So, the “science” part would seem to consist merely of ‘reading signals’ and ‘timing’, which, unless I’m very much mistaken, are both topics that have previously been studied quite adequately by Psychologists and Horologists; on the other hand, a deck of “Psychoanalytic” cards, flaming wallets, talking ferrets and animated algae balls are also listed as props.
Maybe my lack of understanding of Japanese culture is showing here, but I can’t help wondering what these gentlemen do when faced with a beautiful woman, and a lack of magical tricks. Personally, I wouldn’t want to carry a talking ferret about with me throughout my day-to-day life, since I’m certain it’d draw unwarranted comparisons with the antics of footballer, Paul Gascoigne.
Finally, Fujitasan has also had a book published, “Zura Ga Kanojo Ni Bareta Toki” (The Time My Girlfriend Discovered I Was Wearing a Wig), in which he describes how he learned what it feels like to be a women who has just gotten breast implants.
Posted by Jonathan as Miscellaneous at 10:35 AM EST
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Despite Valentine’s Day being just around the corner, it seems that fresh flowers are completely out of fashion.
Saudi Arabia’s Religious police have banned the sale of all red items, roses especially, as of last Sunday up until after February 14th. Apparently because the celebration of Valentine’s Day promotes sin and encourages relationships out of wedlock.
Meanwhile, environmentalists are complaining about the chemicals that are used in the commercial flower growing industry, as well as the carbon footprint of flowers that are usually flown in from overseas countries such as Kenya, at this time of year.
The news from Saudi Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice, sounds like a joke, and makes no sense at all to my mind. While the green lobby would seem at first glance to have a point, although it actually turns out that Kenyan flowers aren’t especially environmentally unfriendly.
In spite of clocking up more than 4,000 air miles in the process of being imported to the UK, the total carbon emissions from flowers from Kenya, including air freight, are only 17 percent of those for comparable flowers originating in the Netherlands, according to research carried out by the natural resources department at Cranfield University.
The report, which studied a Kenyan farm that supplies a large UK supermarket with its roses, analysed energy consumption and CO2 emissions for growing, packing, cooling and transporting the roses to the UK, as well as factoring in fertilisers, pesticides, vehicles and materials used.
These figures were then compared with data from a grower in the Netherlands, where artificial heating and lighting was used to grow the roses, instead of sunshine.
The results were that 6,000 kg of CO2 was released per batch of Kenyan roses, compared to 35,000 kg for production of Dutch roses.
Yields of roses grown in Kenya were also about twice those grown in the Netherlands; most likely due to the excellent weather, all year round sunshine, and some help from the development of boxes that can be packed efficiently into aircraft, as well as un-powered gravity-fed irrigation systems.
More importantly however, the fresh flower, fruit and vegetables industry makes up 65% of all exports from Kenya to the European Union, according to figures from the Fresh Produce Exporters Association (FPEA) of Kenya.
This year however, flowers will need to bring in even more money for Kenya, since civil unrest has kept all the tourists away. So, if you want to help the developing nations, Kenya especially, then you should buy as many red roses as you can afford this Valentines Day.
Posted by Jonathan as Miscellaneous at 11:16 PM EST
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Australian police are warning that thousands of people are at risk from a relatively new version of an online scam, targeting the lonely and dateless. The police say they have detected an increasing number of men and women being lured into online relationships by Nigerian fraudsters, posing as potential romantic partners.
As St. Valentine’s Day draws nearer, the “Romance scam” exploits Dating site members, by gaining the trust of their victims, and then requesting money for emergencies such as an operation or flights. Afterwards, when the fraudsters think they have drained the victim, they “dump” them, and move on to someone else.
Australian police estimate it could affect thousands of people every day, and costs the victims an average of AU$35,000 each. In Britain, the online scams industry is said to make £3.5 billion a year.
The romance scam is the latest tactic in a line of confidence tricks that have originated in Nigeria, where the notorious ‘419’ scams began. In a 419 scam (named after the relevant section of the Nigerian Criminal Code) people were persuaded to part with relatively small sums of money, expecting a substantial payoff later, but which would then never materialise.
In this case, fraudsters tend to target middle-aged members of niche dating sites, where it is easier to tap in to the victim’s interests. However, Police have often been amazed by the amount of time and effort that has been invested by the criminals in building their online romances; victims having even received phone calls and photographs from their fake romantic partners.
According to Australian police, there are several signs to watch out for:
- It won’t happen until the fraudsters think they have their hooks in
- The first thing will always be a request for money, and the money will always have to be sent in cash
- It will normally be preceded by a tragic event, such as a mugging, a bankruptcy or a car accident etc.
- One of the other key words to look out for is “Nigeria”
Apparently, it can often be quite difficult to detect a scammer. And, Dating sites are somewhat reluctant to highlight the problem, since it could generate bad publicity.
Posted by Jonathan as Miscellaneous at 1:16 PM EST
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We showed celebrities without make-up a while back, now just for good measure, here’s a couple of pictures of Kumari Fulbright (25), a former Beauty queen, Calendar pinup-girl and University of Arizona law student; accused of kidnapping, robbing and assaulting an ex-boyfriend.
So, now you see beauty is only temporary, and girls aren’t always sugar and spice (especially if they’re toting a HK51 machine gun).
Posted by Jonathan as Miscellaneous at 7:34 PM EST
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Sticking with the theme of lists, although this is in part because I became involved in a rather silly discussion about strange marriages with someone recently; here’s my take on the most bizarre marriages that I’ve been able to track down.
| 10. |
26th May 1994; King of Pop, Michael Jackson marries Scientologist, Lisa Marie Presley. They divorced less than two years later. |
| 9. |
1997; Top New Zealand Athletics coach, Arthur Lydiard (aged 80) marries his student, Joelyne van der Togt (aged 32). A 48 year age gap. |
| 8. |
1994; Billionaire oil executive, J. Howard Marshall (aged 89) marries model and television personality, Anna Nicole Smith (aged 26). A mere 63 year age gap. |
| 7. |
25th August 1992; The Reverend Sun Myung Moon marries 30,000 couples, at one time, in Seoul’s Olympic Stadium. |
| 6. |
3rd January 2004; Pop Princess, Britney Spears marries childhood friend, Jason Alexander, after a night out in Las Vegas. The surprise marriage was annulled less than 55 hours after they tied the knot. |
| 5. |
May 2004; Convicted double murderer, Scott Watson marries 35 year old mother of four (by four different fathers), Coral Branch, in a wedding chapel at Auckland Prison, New Zealand. |
| 4. |
2003; Residents of Bangalore marry two donkeys (the bride called Ganga and the groom called Varuna) at the Maha Ganapathi temple in Rajajinagar, believing that this ritual will bring them rain. |
| 3. |
November 2007; P. Selvakumar, a 33 year old farm labourer, who believed he had been cursed for stoning to death two dogs, atoned for his sins by marrying a four year old stray bitch in a traditional Hindu wedding ceremony, on the advice of his Astrologer. |
| 2. |
February 2006; Charles Tombe is forced to marry a Sudanese goat (subsequently named Rose), after he was caught having sex with her. He also had to pay a dowry of 15,000 Sudanese dinars (£25) to the goat’s owner. |
| 1. |
1975; Ronald van der Plaat forces his daughter into a mock marriage ceremony, and then subjects her to 23 years of sexual slavery. However, in 2001 he was caught, convicted and sentenced to 14 years imprisonment. |
Posted by Jonathan as History, Miscellaneous at 4:56 PM EST
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Christmas / New Year often seems to be a time when the media decides to pull out various random lists. So, not wanting to break a perfectly silly tradition, and because I would suspect that any good Seductionist would be rather interested to know a little background about their favourite piece of furniture. Here is a short list, that I stumbled across quite some time back, but which might keep you amused for a minute or two, possibly more:
- In the late 1980s, soul singer Alexander O’Neal would perform some of his songs on a lavish bed which was part of his stage set. Ladies from the audience could join him for some singing-related hot fun.
- Van Gogh’s crooked bed is the main feature of one of his most celebrated paintings ‘The Bedroom at Arles‘.
- Most countries have a host of apocryphal beds in which someone famous has slept. In Scotland, it is Mary Queen of Scots, in the US, George Washington. If all the beds in which Washington slept were laid end to end and divided by nine, he would still have to have lived to a hundred and fifty three.
- In Roald Dahl’s Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Charlie’s four grandparents spend their lives in one communal bed, two at each end.
- Better known for her book The Borrowers, Mary Norton also wrote the two children’s books on which the Disney film Bedknobs and Broomsticks was based. These stories tell of the adventures (based around a magic flying bed) of three children and their aunt’s trainee Witch neighbour, Miss Price.
- Artist Tracey Emin’s ‘My Bed‘ exhibit of 1998 is one of the most notorious artworks of recent years. It is a representation of, err, her bed, complete with stains and rumples, and the detritus to be found around it (vodka bottles, condoms etc).
- The Great Bed of Ware is a huge four-poster bed found in the Victoria and Albert Museum in London. According to legend, covered beds were necessary to stop sleepers being bothered by creatures (cats, creepy crawlies, etc.) falling out of the thatched roof-space above them.
- In Suite 1742 of the Fairmont Hotel, in Montreal, John Lennon and Yoko Ono staged their most famous bed-in, spending eight days in bed, during which they wrote and recorded ‘Give Peace a Chance‘ with the help of Petula Clark and Timothy Leary. World peace, naturally, was achieved just moments later.
- In the mid 1950s, the artist Robert Rauschenberg created ‘Bed‘, an artwork consisting of a bed hung on a wall like a painting.
- 18th century charlatan James Graham built a ‘Temple of Health’ in London, designed to part the rich and their money. The main attraction was the 50-pounds-per-night ‘Celestial Bed‘, supposed to cure impotence or infertility. The mattress was stuffed in part with stallions’ tales and an electrical current ran through the headboard and supposedly filled the air with magnetic charges which were thought beneficial to sexual health.
- In Hans Christian Andersen’s tale, ‘The Princess and the Pea‘, the girl proves herself a princess by remaining sleepless due to feeling the pea, even through twenty mattresses.
- John Denver sang of ‘Grandma’s Feather Bed‘ which was ‘nine feet high and six feet wide, soft as a downy chick / It was made from the feathers of forty eleven geese, took a whole bolt of cloth for the tick / It’d hold eight kids an’ four hound dogs and a piggy we stole from the shed / We didn’t get much sleep but we had a lot of fun on grandma’s feather bed’.
Posted by Jonathan as History, Humour, Miscellaneous at 11:29 PM EST
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A Chilean hooker has auctioned 27 hours of her services to raise money for the country’s largest charity, during an annual fund-raising campaign for “poor disabled children.”
María Carolina (25) became an overnight celebrity, and the country’s most famous prostitute, making news headlines and appearing on talk shows. Her unusual donation has been sold off in 90 minute blocks to be collected during the event, Teletón, which runs from November 30th to December 1st.
Tart with a heart, María Carolina said:
I will work during the time that the program lasts in order to earn money for the children of the Teletón, and then deposit it in the bank. They will be my own 27 hours of love.
Teletón’s long-time host, Mario Kreutzberger, (a.k.a. Don Francisco), was ambivalent. “Everyone can do what they want, but if someone tells me that they’ll do something immoral [...] I’m not going to encourage it,” he was quoted as saying. But, since prostitution is legal in Chile, the organisers will be accepting Carolina’s pledge.
María Carolina claimed she’d already auctioned off the 27 hours of love, raising about $4,000, and explained: “One of my clients already paid. It seemed like a good deed to him.” She further defended her contribution, pointing out:
There are people who are going to be donating money that’s a lot more questionable than mine, the only thing I did was publicize it.
Posted by Jonathan as Miscellaneous at 10:08 PM EST
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An intriguing article from Pravda claims that some wealthy men are ready and willing to pay thousands of dollars for sex with misshapen women.
In New York, one of the world fashion centres, skinny models affected with anorexia leap from the catwalk straight into nabobs’ beds. Anorexic models are becoming increasingly popular with men who roll in money.
There are dozens of brothels dealing in former models that lost their jobs after losing too much weight. A night with an anorexic prostitute can cost up to $2,000. However, a customer may as well end up in jail should he literally bang to death an emaciated prostitute.
Sex with scary prostitutes is becoming a popular pastime for Japanese men. There are a number of brothels staffed with inmates whose faces and heads were badly marred by burns, bruises or congenital malformations like hydrocephalus (accumulation of serous fluid in the cranium, often leading to great enlargement of the head). “I’ve learned to see my disadvantages as advantages,” reads one of the messages posted by the 22-year-old Mimiko on a web forum frequented by local prostitutes. Mimiko was born with cleft palate or a fissure at the roof of the mouth due to failure of the two sides to fuse in embryonic development. “In the past, I couldn’t even imagine having any sort of full-blown sex life. Nowadays men wait in line to get my favours. More importantly, I’ve already saved up enough money to pay for surgery!” Mimiko writes in her message.
Males offer their own reasons to explain a penchant for such a quirky kind of sensual pleasure.
“I’m just fed up with those shapely ladies. They have sex with you as if they’re doing some kind of job. On the contrary, girls who have been out of luck in terms of sex can attend each customer in the best way possible, they never fake it, they make love with total candour and passion,” said Andrei. A diversity of cultural and ethnical characteristics adds colour to the Russian market of weird sex. For instance, some women from southern republics of the former Soviet Union are in demand. Their sex appeal has nothing to do their attractive curves or impulsive temperament. Those women look somewhat hairy; they have excess bodily hair – a condition caused by increased levels of male sex hormones in the female body.
At times nature plays an ugly trick on women. As a result, hair starts to grow on their faces, breasts and backs. Some women can be totally devastated by this twist of nature; others use it to their advantage. A user known by the nickname Fatima obviously belongs to the latter category. Her revelations posted on the Internet sex forum read as follows: “Customers treat me like a soft furry toy which is made for touching and stroking. My services are available at $300-500 a night.” No wonder Fatima likens herself to a furry toy – she has a beard, and plenty of soft fluffy hair covering her body from top to toe. Her abnormal hairiness is caused by a rare congenital disorder. She used to live in Georgia, where sex was completely out of the question for her. But Fatima moved to Moscow, and things changed dramatically.
Candidate of Medical Science Alexander Poliyev, a sexologist, comments on the topic:
“Morbidophilia or sexual attraction to people with physical deformities is a sexual deviation which is not as rare as it may seem. As a rule, the condition affects adult males who dream of taking some steps to boost their self-reliance. They crave for emotional appreciation of their individuality. In many cases, they are quite successful in their walks of life; they are also well-read and physically attractive. On the other hand, they tend to be reclusive and experience communicative problems.
Even a woman who looks strikingly beautiful won’t arouse such a man sexually. I remember one of my patients who had a weakness for women whose legs were impaired in one way or another. The man looked handsome, and he was gainfully employed too. At one point he was romantically involved with a girl who had a malformed foot. Then he began dating a woman who walked with a bad limp. He ended up marrying an amputee.
This kind of deviation is quite innocuous. Moreover, a woman who was previously denied by every man in town could experience the joys of sex thanks to a morbidophiliac. Such men are normally passionate lovers; they would do their utmost trying to satisfy their sexual partners. Besides, they frequently marry their partners and remain faithful to them.”
Posted by Jonathan as Miscellaneous at 10:57 PM EDT
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Permanently removing all your pubic hair improves your sex life, according to a sample of women surveyed by the Cosmetic Physicians Society of Australasia.
Apparently, more than 80% of women who embraced the Brazilian phenomenon had hair lasered off for aesthetic reasons. While 60% claimed hygiene was a factor. Half of the 100 women surveyed claimed that being hairless made them feel sexier, and enhanced their sexual pleasure.
Posted by Jonathan as Miscellaneous at 5:13 PM EDT
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