Seduction mistakes are easy to make when you really like someone and you find yourself trying to get them closer to you. Here are some all too common mistakes that some of us women make while trying to seduce a man. Do any of these sound a little too familiar? Forcing Intimacy in these ways will backfire: Try these tactics and you’re certain to lose the one you love.

Seduction Mistake #1: Expecting the relationship to solve your problems: Your life is in a lull, nothing brings you pleasure or excitement, and every new day seems as dull as the last. The only thing going for you is the guy you’re seeing or dating, and so you put all your energy, time and passion into pleasing him. After all, at least he’ll appreciate the attention, right? Wrong. He will feel smothered; he gets bored quickly and will eventually be trying to shake your neediness by losing you as quickly as he can.

What works: Try other ways to enrich your life with new knowledge and activities that you’ve never tried before. Your boredom will be the only thing lost and soon you will find passion in a great deal of things, and then he will be drawn to your passion of other things in life. He will be impressed by the new hobby or knowledge, and happiness is contagious, let him catch the fever!

Seduction mistake #2: Sleeping with him too soon. If you’ve been on a date or two with this new guy, and so far you don’t sense him feeling all the sparks you are, you can bet your bottom dollar that sex isn’t going to help – no matter how good you are in bed. Just because men love sex, doesn’t mean they fall in love with you because you can give it to him. In fact, the easier it comes, the less likely he is to want it again, so don’t be surprised if he doesn’t call after the first of second date if there’s sex involved. You shouldn’t be worried that he thinks you a prude, not for a second – On the contrary, if you sleep with him too soon, he will think this is common place for you, and won’t see you as a long-term partner. That’s really the nicest way I can put it.

What works: Find a way to put off sex until he is emotionally involved with you. Sex will then enhance his feelings towards you because he is already thinking of you as someone he would like to see romantically. Deny him in a way so that he won’t feel sexually rejected. End the date outside of either of your apartments. If you are being pursued in a sexual manner, saying something like, “I’m very attracted to you, but I don’t like to rush into things,” lets him know that you won’t deny him in the future, you find him sexy, but that you are a woman who has respect for herself and for her body. He will definitely appreciate that.

Seduction mistake #3: Projection. There he is, Mr. Right, except for facts One, Two and Three (like he’s married, lives a state away and has children). You’d be surprised how many women can ignore facts like this while they’re daydreaming about a long train on a fairy tale gown. Just because you imagine all the details so perfectly in your mind about his ringing your doorbell one day, whilst his car waits behind him, motor still running and packed to the brim with all his belongings, doesn’t mean it’s going to happen. Or maybe he’s the kind of guy who only sees you on some of the weekends because he’s got a part time job that you don’t really hear about. Just because you think he’s going to quit this job, and stop drinking during the week, doesn’t mean it will happen. In fact, he’s seeing three different women, he drinks because he’s an alcoholic, and he’s not going to change unless he’s actively making an effort already. These troubled men will not grow closer to you, they are a waste of your valuable time, and they never fall into the fantasy.

What works: Just keep a mental note of things that he may do that may be warning signs if it were a friends boyfriend. What advice would you give to her? Be a good friend to yourself and follow the advice. You’ll be thankful in the long run.

Seduction mistake #4: Chasing the man of your dreams. Remember this rule: If you chase him, he will run. That’s right. What works for the gander doesn’t always work for the goose. Isn’t it funny how men’s persistence eventually pays off? He calls and calls, and woos and woos, and while once you weren’t so interested, now he’s a staple in your life. Well don’t try this at home ladies. Calling him repeatedly, answering his messages the second you get in the door, buying him gifts, seeing him everyday, and asking him why he’s ignoring you, will only leave you empty handed. Ladies, I know you really like him and that you’re thinking about him all time; that if he likes you then why wouldn’t he want to hear the sound of your voice? But men just don’t work that way. It will take time. If you chase him, again he will feel smothered and will equate you with some midnight movie called, the “Temp” or the “Babysitter” or something. And keep in mind, that this mistake cannot be undone. Once he starts feeling overly pursued or smothered, he will only think about getting away from you, and you won’t be able to get him back. So write that down somewhere if you have to, and when you’re dying to call him, and leave that second message on his answering machine, perhaps you’ll get over the urge.

What works: Getting him to chase you: That’s right. Men love the chase. They want to think that all their efforts are going to finally pay off some day, the same way it does in work and sports and everything else they love. So try forgetting to return his last 2 messages, not being home on the weekends, turning him down for a date because you have to take care of something. He will just try harder, and the harder he tries, the more he will know that you’re worth it, or else why would he try so hard. You’ll have plenty of time to dote on him when he is deeply in love with you and when he appreciates every bit of your attention.

Seduction Mistake #5: Losing yourself. When people first start dating, they focus on the similarities, and naturally this brings them closer. Their increased closeness becomes grounds for increased time spent together, and the couple will mesh even more by attending the same functions, increasing exposure and overall time spent together. Ahhh, you can even finish each other sentences. But, what about the friends you used to be so close with? What about the activities you used to do with friends or even by yourself? Ever cancelled plans you made with a friend to spend time with him? If you find yourself doing it more frequently, you will start alienating the friends you used to have and hold dear, and then depend on him more and more. So, where do you end and he begins? If it’s getting harder and harder to tell, then you may soon have a problem on your hands – giving up your identity to be closer to him, will backfire in the long run.

When you’re willing to drop everything to be with him, he will come to expect enough that he knows he doesn’t need to accommodate you, because you are all too willing. The less effort he puts into the relationship the less important it becomes to him. And the less unique you are, the less interesting you become to him – that’s just human nature.

What works: Holding on to your identity is easy when you make a conscious effort. Don’t change your personality to get along with him. He likes you for who you are, or he doesn’t. If he doesn’t, move on quickly so you can spend more time with the person that does. Continue spending time with your friends and family, he will see you as a family oriented woman who is committed to things in life she cares about. Pursue your own activities and interests and don’t tell him every single detail. This time is for you. And remember, you two are a couple; that’s two people, not one. He doesn’t have to go to every single place or event that you go to. He’ll think about you when you’re gone, so let him ask you about it before you tell him.

You might also enjoy reading:-

• Was I seduced by the Barbican
• Keeping him for the long run
• Catch him if you can
• Seduction Singapore style
• Love changes your sense of smell

Posted by Rosie in Philosophy

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