Wedding Crashers is a film with a preposterous plot and a completely unbelievable ending, but that doesn’t stop it being a very funny movie.

And, of course, in real life nobody in their right mind would bother to go to all the trouble of memorising such a long and complicated list of rules and regulations. The full list, however, is hilarious, and amongst the rules there are certainly one or two interesting seduction hints and tips that you might find useful. So, for your amusement (and possible education), here is the list of rules for crashing a wedding:-

Rule #1: Never leave a fellow Crasher behind. Crashers take care of their own.
Rule #2: Never use your real name.
Rule #3: Never confess.
Rule #4: No one goes home alone.
Rule #5: Never let a girl get between you and a fellow Crasher.
Rule #6: Do not sit in the corner and sulk. It draws attention to you in a negative way. Draw attention to yourself, but on your own terms.
Rule #7: Blend in by standing out.
Rule #8: Be the life of the party.
Rule #9: Whatever it takes to get in, get in.
Rule #10: Invitations are for pussies.
Rule #11: Sensitive is good.
Rule #12: Of course you dream of one day having children.
Rule #13: Bridesmaids are desperate – console them.
Rule #14: You’re a distant relative of a dead cousin.
Rule #15: Fight the urge to tell the truth.
Rule #16: Always have an up-to-date family tree.
Rule #17: Every female wedding guest deserves a wedding night.
Rule #18: You love animals and children.
Rule #19: Toast in the native language if you know the native language and have practised the toast. Do not wing it.
Rule #20: Always have an early “appointment” the next morning.
Rule #21: Make sure she’s 18.
Rule #22: You have a wedding and a reception to seal the deal – Period – No overtime.
Rule #23: There’s nothing wrong with having seconds. Provided there are enough women to go around.
Rule #24: If you get outted, leave calmly. Do not run.
Rule #25: You understand she heard that, but that’s not what you meant.
Rule #26: Of course you love her.
Rule #27: Don’t over-drink. The machinery must work in order to close.
Rule #28: Make sure there’s an open bar.
Rule #29: Always be a team player. Everyone needs a little help now and again.
Rule #30: You’re from out of town. ALWAYS.
Rule #31: Girls in hats tend to be proper and rarely give it up.
Rule #32: Don’t commit to a relative unless you’re absolutely sure that they have a pulse.
Rule #33: Never go back to your place.
Rule #34: Be gone by sunrise.
Rule #35: Breakfast is for closers.
Rule #36: 3 or 4 months to Wedding crash – Funerals are year round.
Rule #37: At the reception, one hard drink or two beers max. A drunken Crasher is a sloppy Crasher.
Rule #38: Stay clear of the wedding planner. They may recognize you and start to wonder.
Rule #39: Your favourite movie is “The English Patient”.
Rule #40: No “chicken dancing” – no exceptions.
Rule #41: Never hit on the bride! It’s a one-way ticket to the pavement.
Rule #42: The way to a women’s bed is through the dance floor.
Rule #43: Dance with old folks and the kids. The girls will think you’re “sweet”.
Rule #44: If there is a cash bar, bring your fake war medals. You’ll never have to buy a drink.
Rule #45: You forgot your invitation in your rush to get to the church.
Rule #46: At the service, sit in the fifth row. It’s close enough to the wedding party to seem like you’re an invited guest. Never sit in the back. The back row just smells like Crashing.
Rule #47: If two rival Crashers pick the same girl, the Crasher with the least seniority will respectfully yield.
Rule #48: Always remember your fake name!
Rule #49: The Rules of Wedding Crashing are sacred. Don’t sully them by “improvising”.
Rule #50: When your Crash partner fails, you fail. No man is an island…

You might also enjoy reading:-

• Not playing by ‘The Rules’
• Those crazy Americans: Some strange sex laws
• Pick-up advice from a Salesman
• Keep doing what you’ve always done, keep getting what you’ve always gotten
• World’s fattest man marries girlfriend

Posted by Jonathan in Art & Literature, humour

No Comments »