How many e-mails does the Penis pill industry have to send me? “PR0VEN Program ENLARG your pen.is GAURANTEED!” they scream at me. “We absoIutèely suree, that GiirIs wi|1 be crazy abut you.“

I get hundreds of these e-mails a day, so the online penis pill people clearly know something about my penis that I don’t. Maybe the Human Genome Project has discovered a recessive penis gene?

But then, do you really want to orally ingest something made by a company that can’t hire a decent translator for their marketing department? I suspect that Quality Control might not be the top priority at the Penis pill factory.

Anyway, in researching this article, I’ve had to spend a lot of time scanning the Internet (Googling for “penis enlargement” currently returns 7.8 million results), checking the claims that these organizations make, and looking at hundreds of photos of deformed, misshapen penises. Surprisingly, these frightening specimens of manhood are meant to encourage you to buy the products…

I did find a remarkable coincidence; every single Penis enlargement company is “the best.” Every product is also “guaranteed,” and offers “permanent results.” After a few hours of browsing these sites, I had the impression that we must live in a world of men with microscopic organs that can only be located with the aid of a powerful microscope; whilst it would seem that women only want lovers with a todger like a baseball bat.

Many of these penis pill purveyors even go so far as to claim they’ll also give you “mind-blowing orgasms” and “improved sexual stamina,” in their sales pitches; as well as assertions of being able to make you feel more confident “in the Locker room”, and “triple the amount of semen you produce”.

But, it’s important to note that since the Penis enlargement quacks are usually busy badmouthing their competitor’s approaches (creams, pumps, exercises etc.) in favour of their own chosen ‘solution’, the net result is that all the advertisements cancel each another out.

So, it turns out there’s no such thing as a “pill” that will enlarge your penis. And, I suspect that just as few women are happy with their breasts, many guys are unhappy with their penises (which is probably why they beat them so often). Therefore, we wouldn’t receive so many of these “penis enlargement” e-mails every day, if there weren’t so many dejected guys buying these products.

What is the average penis size?

Do you really need a bigger penis? I don’t know about you, but none of my girlfriends have ever complained… And how big is the average penis anyway? The Kinsey Institute New Report on Sex, considered by many to be the authority on such matters, states that average penis size is between 5 and 7 inches when fully erect.

A more recent study by Lifestyles Condom Co., who claim they’ve carried out the largest and most accurate measure of penis size, puts the average at 5.877 inches (14.9 cm). They apparently obtained this figure by sending a team of Nurses to Cancun during the Spring break (I’m not making this up), and having them measure the erections of hundreds of partying college students, in exchange for some free condoms, T-shirts and other prizes. The same survey reported an average circumference, otherwise referred to as girth, of 4.972 inches (12.6 cm), and suggested that 75 percent of men were between 4.5 and 5.5 inches.

What about penis width?

In 2001, the University of Texas-Pan American, Department of Psychology produced a research paper entitled “Penis Size: Survey of female perceptions of sexual satisfaction“, you can download a copy here. In that research, fifty co-ed sluts sexually active female undergraduates were interviewed on whether length or width was the more important factor in sexual satisfaction.

The results of that study were that “None reported they did not know, or that width and length were equally satisfying“, making me quite sad that I didn’t go to the University of Texas-Pan American. A large majority, 45 of 50 sexually active female undergraduates interviewed, reported that width was more important. Even though you never hear women moaning “Give it to me wide; Give me more diameter.”

What’s the active ingredient in penis pills?

Looking at the ingredient lists for penis pills that I’ve found scattered round the net, it seems that there’s nothing much in them, aside from vitamins, minerals and herbs such as ‘Horny goat weed’ (Epimedium Sagittum), which I’m guessing is there more for it’s name than any potentially beneficial properties, because I can’t find any serious studies into the effects of this plant, other than a couple of references to unnamed Chinese doctors, and claims that it might have been a traditional medicine at some time.

Now, nobody would dispute that taking dietary supplements was good for your health, so long as you follow the recommended daily allowance. But then, if eating extra vitamins and minerals could really make parts of your body bigger, why don’t we see health conscious people complaining about unwanted enlargements from the pills they take?

Another thing left off the adverts for these medications, is the fact that the advice note with the pills instructs you to massage your penis every day; which, along with the placebo effect, seems like a rather more likely (and very inexpensive) way to make a penis bigger than consuming some sort of herbal remedy. Although I suspect that every man on the planet would have a penis the size of a baby’s arm holding an apple, if tugging for a few minutes really had any effect.

Is there any other way to enlarge your penis?

Here are the hard facts: Once you’re in bed with someone – who cares? You’ve just spent time getting to know someone, and now you’re going to have sex with them, so that person must care for you somewhat. You’re both feeling incredibly aroused, so even if your penis is way below the average, once you’re both naked, it’s highly improbable that any size issues would even be noticed.

You’re still too shy to take that chance? Then just make love with the light off, and nobody will ever have a chance to see how big you are. Get yourself a reputation for giving great oral sex, and the girl probably won’t even care about size.

What can a doctor do if you want a bigger penis?

Searching through medical notes and websites run by qualified people, it seems like not much:

• Topical treatments (creams) can somewhat enlarge the penis, but these only work before the onset of puberty, and even then, not in all cases.

• Vacuum pumps are sometimes used in treatment of erectile dysfunction, but they don’t significantly enlarge the penis, and the results aren’t permanent.

• Exercises such as stretching or suspending weights don’t work, and could even be harmful – The penis is not a muscle and can’t be enlarged through repeated stress (exercise) like muscles can.

• There is surgery which can cut through the ligature that suspends the penis and make it stick out farther from the body – so this isn’t really an enlargement.

• Other operations can increase the girth of the penis, by injecting body fat (or tissue from elsewhere in the body) under the skin of the penile shaft. (Although it’s important to note that surgery is expensive, and comes with all kinds of risks of side effects)

• Some Urologists have pointed out that overweight men can ‘increase’ the apparent length of their penises by losing weight, which will reduce the fatty ‘pad’ in their groin area.

• Similarly, male porn stars often shave their scrotal sack, to give the appearance of a longer shaft. While female porn stars are usually quite petite – both details which would create an illusion of larger relative penis size, to the viewers of the pornography.

• Finally, one Doctor succinctly commented that any man who thinks his penis is too small probably has a problem between his ears, and not between his legs.

You might also enjoy reading:-

• Penis sizes in comparison
• Women don’t care about penis size, but many men suffer from ‘Small-Penis Syndrome’
• Lap dancers ‘on heat’ get big tips
• Essex girls have the most unprotected sex
• Fertile women most receptive to pick-up lines

Posted by Jonathan in Biochemistry, Psychology

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