As mentioned previously, many seducers could use some additional help coping with stress and relaxing.

Although in all probability, it doesn’t matter whether you have a highly strung boss, or a lack of choices when talking to attractive strangers – The following commonsense hints and tips should be of some use in managing your stress levels.

1. Learn how to say ‘No’.
Very simple, but very effective – Where a ‘No’ is the appropriate response – say it without guilt.

2. If you’re ill, rest.
Don’t carry on regardless. Working will tire your body and prolong your illness. So recognise that you have limits, and don’t carry on as if you were firing on all cylinders.

3. Get enough sleep.
Sleep is essential for the body to function properly. And sleeping pills shouldn’t be necessary with the right life-style. If you’ve habitually skimped on sleep, you probably won’t even remember how it feels to wake up fully rested. Give it a go for a week and see if there’s a reduction in stress, and a difference in how well you perform during the day.

4. Listen to your body.
When you’re tired, hungry or thirsty, do something about it. Also, recognise stress, anxiety and anger in your day and counter it immediately with a brisk walk, ten minutes of a visualisation exercise, some deep relaxation or whatever else works best for you.

5. Avoid nicotine and caffeine.
These are stimulants, so they won’t calm you down. If you’re feeling stressed, steer clear of them and keep yourself well-hydrated by drinking water or fruit juice instead.

6. Fight off stress with physical activity.
Pressure or anger releases Adrenaline and other stress hormones in the body. Sports and physical exercise helps to reduce this, and produces ‘good mood’ chemicals in the brain. So go for a brisk walk around the block when you feel tense, or try some regular sport or exercise after work.

7. Agree with people once in a while.
Life shouldn’t be a constant battle, and conflict is often due to someone feeling defensive out of fear of losing face. People sometimes set goals for how others should treat them, and then rigidly expect that others will fulfil those expectations. However, this rarely produces satisfaction, because others also have an agenda for their own rigid goals. So even if you disagree with someone, you can avoid this impasse by agreeing with them, helping them reach their own goals, or just keeping quiet if that person is quite unpalatable. Remember, idiots only have status if you grant it to them.

8. Learn to accept what you cannot change.
Saint Francis of Assisi’s famous prayer asks for “the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference”. This philosophy will help you avoid unhappiness, cynicism and bitterness; all of which will help you combat stress.

9. Manage your time.
Take one thing at a time, and don’t overdo it. Create time buffers to deal with unexpected emergencies, and tackle them with a system that works for you.

One very simple method is:

1. List the things that you need to do
2. Put them in order of importance
3. Decide what you need to do yourself, and what can be delegated
4. Decide which need doing today, next week or next month
5. Decide what doesn’t need doing after all, and then drop it from the list

Your mountain of tasks is now in some sort of order, and could even be a bit smaller, which should help. These things might have controlled you before, but now you control them. And therefore you’ve lost any stress they used to cause you.

10. Think up a self-affirming mantra.
Suggestions could be ‘I have a choice in every situation’ or ‘I deserve calm in my life’. Repeat your mantra to yourself whenever you feel tense.

11. Relax with a stress-reduction technique.
Try self-hypnosis – it’s very easy and can be done almost anywhere.

12. Try a very simple visualisation exercise.

• Find a quiet spot where you won’t be interrupted for a few minutes.
• Just shut your eyes for a moment, and imagine what your life will be like when you’re able to live it in the way you’d like to.
• See, hear and feel what that is like.
• See yourself getting everything done in a relaxed way. Notice the way you’re sitting, standing or moving, then observe how calmly you’re interacting with people, and the positive way in which they’re responding to you.
• Hear the sound of your voice as you talk to people, and notice how it’s different from the way you tend to talk now.
• Listen to how people are talking to you and the kind of things that they’re saying.
• Feel what all of that is like, and enjoy the feeling.
• Perhaps you’ll see yourself having some time for new activities in your life (or some old ones that you haven’t done for a while) see and hear yourself doing them, and feel good.
• Take all the time you need, and allow yourself to enjoy the exercise.

Posted by Jonathan as Philosophy, Psychology at 1:44 AM BST

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One of the more frequently occurring situations that arises when boy meets girl is that they both have very few options, and thus the inexperienced seducer ends up with a very stressful situation, in which he or she is confronted with a loss of control; whilst the seducee is left bemused by the seemingly bizarre behaviours of the person they have just met.

This is a negative feedback loop, in which the seducer feels stressed because he or she is in a situation that they feel is out of their control, yet at the same time, they cannot adequately salvage the situation because they are already feeling so stressed. Clearly this is a circumstance where more research is needed.

And as it happens, there is a substantial body of scientific knowledge concerning the effects of stress on humans, although obviously not in seduction situations. An interesting parallel, however, is the effect of exposure to heavy traffic, and the effect of exposure to loud noises and other irritants.

Research shows that a large increase in background noise at a constant, steady level is experienced as less intrusive as time passes; although prolonged exposure produces lasting elevations in blood pressure.¹ If the noise is not only loud, but also intermittent, then people remain conscious of their heightened irritability even after an extended period of adaptation; and their symptoms of central nervous system distress become more pronounced.¹

In a laboratory, subjects exposed to a loud, intermittent, and unpredictable noise experience not only showed physiological symptoms of stress but also behavioural symptoms. These subjects became less persistent in their attempts to cope with frustrating tasks, and suffered measurable impairments in performing tasks requiring care and attention.¹

In another ingenious experiment, the Psychologist David Glass and his collaborators exposed two groups of subjects to a recording of loud, unpredictable noises. And, whereas subjects in one group had no control over the recording, subjects in the other group could stop the tape at any time simply by flipping a switch. These subjects were told, however, that the researchers would prefer that they not stop the tape, and indeed most of them honoured this preference. Following exposure to the noise, subjects with access to the control switch made almost 60 percent fewer errors than the other subjects on a proofreading task, and made more than four times as many attempts to solve a difficult puzzle.¹

Similarly, commuting though heavy traffic is in many ways very stressful, and much more like exposure to loud, unpredictable noises than to constant background noise. Delays are difficult to predict, virtually impossible to control, and one never quite gets used to being cut up by other drivers who believe that their time is more valuable than anyone else’s. Thus, a large amount of scientific literature documents the many stress symptoms that result from protracted driving through heavy traffic.

One theme in this body of knowledge focuses on the experiences of Bus drivers, whose exposure to the stresses of heavy traffic is higher than that of most other road users, but who have also had greater opportunities to adapt to those stresses. Compared to workers in other occupations, a disproportionate share of the absenteeism experienced by Bus drivers stems from stress-related illnesses such as gastrointestinal problems, headaches, and anxiety.² Many studies have found sharply elevated rates of hypertension among city Bus drivers relative to a variety of control groups, including, in one instance, Bus drivers themselves during their pre-employment physical examinations.^3,4 And, additional studies have found elevations of stress hormones such as Adrenaline, Noradrenalin, and Cortisol in town Bus drivers.⁴ One study even found elevations of Adrenaline and Noradrenalin to be strongly positively correlated with the density of the traffic with which the Bus drivers had to contend.⁵ And, more than half of all urban Bus drivers retire prematurely with some form of medical disability.⁶

Your daily commute through heavy traffic is presumably less stressful than operating a bus all day in a busy town. And probably much less stressful than meeting an attractive member of the opposite sex somewhere. Yet, there is no question that the differences are one of degree rather than kind. Studies have shown that the demands of commuting through heavy traffic often result in emotional and behavioural deficits on arrival at home or at work.⁷ Compared to drivers who commute through low-density traffic, those who commute through heavy traffic are more likely to report feelings of annoyance.⁸ And at higher levels of commuting distance, time, speed, and months of commuting are significantly positively correlated with increased systolic and diastolic blood pressure.⁸

This prolonged experience of commuting stress also suppresses immune function and shortens longevity.^9,8 Even spells in traffic as brief as fifteen minutes have been linked to significant elevations of blood glucose and cholesterol, and to declines in blood coagulation time (all factors that are positively associated with heart disease). Commuting by car is also linked positively with the incidence of various cancers, especially cancer of the lung, although this is probably because of higher exposure to exhaust fumes.¹⁰ Among people who commute to work, the incidence of these and other illnesses rises with the length of commute,¹⁰ and is significantly lower amongst those who commute by bus or rail,¹¹ and lower still amongst non-commuters.¹²

In conclusion, there appears to be persistent and significant costs associated with long commutes through heavy traffic. And we can also be confident that Neurophysiologists would find higher levels of Cortisol, Norepinephrine, Adrenaline, Noradrenalin, and other stress hormones in a seducer who is in a situation that they feel they have no control over. Of course, nobody has done the experiment to discover whether poorly skilled seducers would report lower levels of life satisfaction than the rest of the population. But, because we know that drivers often report being consciously aware of the frustration and stress they experience during commuting, it is a plausible conjecture that subjective well-being, as conventionally measured, would be lower in those seducers. However, even if the negative effects of stress never broke through into conscious awareness, we would still have powerful reasons for wishing to escape them.

References:

1. Glass, D.C., J. Singer & J. Pennebaker, ‘Behavioral and Psychological Effects of Uncontrollable Environmental Events’ (1977) in Perspectives on Environment and Behavior, ed. D. Stokols, New York: Plenum
2. Long, L. & J. Perry, ‘Economic and Occupational Causes of Transit Operator Absenteeism: A Review of Research’ (1985) Transport Review 5:247-267
3. Ragland, D.R., M. Winkleby, J. Schwalbe, B.L. Holman, L. Morse, L. Syme & J.M. Fisher, ‘Prevalence of Hypertension in Bus Drivers’ (1987) International Journal of Epidemiology, 16:208-214; Pikus, W.G. & W.A. Tarranikova, ‘The Frequency of Hypertensive Disease Among Drivers in Public Transportation’ (1975) Terapevischeskii Archives, 47:135-137
4. Evans, G.W., M.N. Palsane & S. Carrère, ‘Type A Behaviour and Occupational Stress: A Cross-cultural Study of Blue-collar Workers” (1987) Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 52:1002-1007
5. Evans, G.W. & S. Carrère, ‘Traffic Congestion, Perceived Control, and Psychophysiological Stress Among Urban Bus Drivers’ (1991) Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 76:658-663
6. Evans, G.W., ‘Working on the hot seat: Urban Bus Operators’ (1994) Accident Analysis and Prevention, 26:181-193
7. Glass, D.C., & J. Singer, ‘Urban Stressors: Experiments on Noise and Social Stressors’ (1972) New York: Academic Press; Sherrod, D.R., ‘Crowding, Perceived Control, and Behavioral Aftereffects’ (1974) Journal of Applied Social Psychology, 4:171-186
8. Stokols, D., R.W. Novaco, J. Stokols & J. Campbell, ‘Traffic congestion, Type A Behaviour, and Stress’ (1978) Journal of Applied Psychology, 63:467–480
9. DeLongis A., S. Folkman, R.S. Lazarus, ‘The impact of Daily Stress on Health and Mood: Psychological and Social Resources as Mediators’ (1988) Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 54:486-495
10. Koslowsky, M., A.N. Kluger & M. Reich, ‘Commuting Stress‘ (1995) New York: Plenum
11. Taylor, P.J. & S.J. Pocock, ‘Commuter Travel and Sickness Absence of London Office Workers’ (1972) British Journal of Preventive and Social Medicine, 26:165-172; Koslowsky, M. & M. Krausz, ‘On the Relationship Between Commuting, Stress Symptoms, and attitudinal Measures’ (1993) Journal of Applied Behavioral Science, 29:485-492
12. European Foundation for the Improvement of Living and Working Conditions, ‘The Journey from Home to the Workplace: The Impact on the Safety and Health of the Commuters/Workers’ (1984) Dublin: European Foundation for the Improvement of Living and Working Conditions.

Posted by Jonathan as Biochemistry, Psychology at 11:22 PM BST

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1. Oral sex does not mean talking dirty to each other.

2. A condom is not needed if you’re doing it alone.

3. Herpes is not the name of a Greek god.

4. Oral contraception goes beyond just saying ‘NO’.

5. So that it’s not a crime, mutual consent is necessary.

6. Abstinence is not a kinky position.

7. Speed is not a virtue.

8. A condominium is NOT the smallest size they make.

9. If she says “doggy style”, then DO NOT nip down to the local RSPCA.

10. Doing the missionary position does not mean you have sex in a church.

11. A porn shop will not give you money for your used stuff, that’s a pawn shop.

12. If your wife tells you sex is a “pain in the ass” turn her over.

13. A threesome does not mean letting the dog watch, while you use both hands.

14. Karma Sutra is not a martial art; therefore don’t tell your lover that you have a black belt in it.

15. Well-endowed is not a reference to the size of your bank account.

16. If she says she’s a virgin, that doesn’t mean she’s from a state in the southern USA.

17. If you’re going to call out a name, make sure it’s the right one.

18. Choking the chicken is not something done at farms. And spanking the monkey is not something done at zoos.

19. You don’t need a passport to French kiss.

20. If your partner asks you to wear a leather mask, this doesn’t mean that it’s Halloween.

21. Safe sex does not mean she has an airbag attached to her.

22. Spermicide is not made by Raid.

23. The clap doesn’t mean she is applauding your performance.

24. If she wants to do it French, Russian or Greek, that doesn’t mean you have to buy a Berlitz guide and learn the language.

25. “Faster, Harder, Deeper” is not the motto of the Olympics.

26. A Fallopian tube is not part of a Television set.

27. Membership of the Mile-High Club is void if you apply by yourself.

28. A clitoris is not something you order from a florist.

29. If it doesn’t make you smile: YOU AIN’T DOIN’ IT RIGHT!

30. When she comes down wearing her most expensive body-stocking and asks you to come to bed, don’t say you want to check your e-mail first.

We’ve all been there – both guys and girls – So here’s a quick guide to help you out:

1. If you ask a girl to have sex and she says “definitely not“, she really means “NO“.

2. If she says “NO“, then you have to do better, and then maybe… But make sure you ask again before going too far, and then go back to point #1 and start again.

3. If she says “MAYBE“, she means “YES“; but you have to really encourage her along the way. Don’t do anything stupid such as rushing things or being clumsy. This may convert the “MAYBE” to a DEFINITE “NO“, which neither of you want.

4. If she says “YES“, she’s probably not worth it.

Posted by Jonathan as humour at 12:29 AM BST

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Over half of Australian women have difficulties getting sexual satisfaction, according to a new survey of more than 400 women, by Deakin University Psychology professor Marita McCabe, and PhD student Katie Giles, who studied Australian women’s sex lives and sexual feelings.

The researchers found that rates of sexual desire were similar to those shown in international studies; however, Australian women appeared to have more problems with arousal and orgasm.

Professor McCabe, who recently presented the data at a sexuality conference on Australia’s Gold Coast said:

All up we found 55 percent of women had a difficulty with sexual satisfaction

It seems women go into the bedroom and expect it will happen quickly, automatically, with orgasm, even be multi-orgasmic, but without spending the time to do so. They’re busy and stressed and not taking the time for their sexual expression.

Further, according to Professor McCabe, the survey revealed that 65 percent of women had some form of sexual dysfunction and half had a diagnosable sexual desire disorder.

Anxiety and depression were found to be contributing factors, but stress and poor body image had the biggest influence on sexual interest and response.

Other scientists were more critical, and Jane Ussher, a women’s health psychologist at the University of Western Sydney, said while she did not dispute the statistics, to label a quarter of the Australian population sexually dysfunctional was ‘not helpful‘.

Professor Ussher was quoted as saying:

To talk about dysfunction implies some abnormality within the women, and whilst many women do have issues around sexual desire, especially in heterosexual relationships, that is very likely to be about the relationship rather than the woman herself.

She went on to say that there was strong evidence to suggest that women with low desire regained their interest in sex once they re-partnered. And, there was also an argument that pharmaceutical companies were trying to position a lack of desire as dysfunctional, so that it could be treated.

Posted by Jonathan as Psychology, Sociology at 12:18 PM BST

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Any piece of writing with a title as bold as the one given to this article had better start with a massive disclaimer, or it’d be very hard for you to believe anything written in it.

So, firstly, I should note that despite what Body Language charlatans, and other people trying to sell books, DVDs and courses etc. might claim, there are no infallible guides to spotting liars. Think about it – if there was some foolproof guide, Police, Prison Guards, Customs Officers and other people whose jobs involve professional lie-catching would have very much higher detection rates. We can therefore conclude that most people are often pretty good at lying, and a very short article certainly won’t act as any sort of magic bullet.

In fact, in professional scientific studies examining college student’s abilities to detect lies, accuracy rates of about 54% are generally obtained (when an accuracy of 50% would be obtainable purely by chance). However, DePaulo and Pfeifer (1986) studied experienced and newly recruited law enforcement officers; Ekman and O’Sullivan (1991) studied members of the secret service, federal Polygraphers and Police officers; Garrido, Masip, Herrero, Tabernero and Vega (1998) studied Police students from a Spanish Police academy; Köhnken (1987) studied Police officers; Vrij (1993a) studied Police detectives; Vrij and Graham (1997) studied Police officers; while Vrij and Mann (1999) also studied Police officers. In each of these investigations, accuracy rates were in the range 45-60%.

Vrij (1993a) used regression analysis to determine which cues the Police detectives in his study were using to attempt to determine whether people were lying or telling the truth. His breakdown was as follows:

Socially anxious – 6%
More hand movements – 8%
Less co-operative – 8%
Less smiling – 10%
Untidily dressed – 12%
Public self-consciousness – 14%
Unexplained – 42%

These choices all seem pretty much arbitrary, and that somewhat explains why the Detectives achieved such low accuracy in the research.

Luckily, as seducers, we don’t have to detect thieves or murderers etc. And in some cases, you probably don’t even want to know if someone is lying. For example, if I spend some time and money choosing you a present, I’m setting myself up for a fall if I try to determine whether you are telling the truth, when you say that you like what I’ve given you. Equally, you would likely be fairly reluctant to allow me to attach you to a Polygraph, or film you while I searched for micro muscle movements.

On the other hand, a dysfunctional man might try to impress a woman by inventing stories about taking part in unusual sports, to compensate for his lack of an interesting life, or else claim that he drives a Ferrari, when in fact he has only borrowed one, or possibly doesn’t have one at all. Just as likely is a scenario where a deceptive woman may claim that she is interested in a man, simply to try to gain some material benefit; or she may state that she will meet a man at a certain time and place, when in actual fact she plans to be elsewhere at that time.

Clearly, in each of these cases, someone will be making an effort to start a relationship, only to be greatly disappointed later on, after they have expended time, money and effort. Obviously, these people would be better off being able to detect lies and protect themselves against deceptive people, so that their time and energies might be more profitably applied elsewhere.

So, why is this all so difficult?

1) Difference between liars and truth-tellers are usually very small, and human behaviour can be very complex and at times confusing.

2) Contrary to what Body Language charlatans might tell you, there is no such thing as ‘Typical deceptive behaviour’. That is to say, there is no one behaviour or set of behaviours that all liars exhibit, because there is no such thing as generic behaviour.

3) Conversation rules prevent people from analyzing the person talking in detail, and head-to-foot observation would be very unusual in conversation. Further it would be terrible to accuse a truthful person of being a liar.

4) Persons attempting lie detection may depend upon mindless decision making rules, following garbage spouted by Body language salespeople, or just spuriously deciding that any odd or complex behaviour constitutes deception.

5) People have a tendency to interpret nervous behaviour not simply as nerves, but as deception. (q.v. Bond and Fahey, 1987)

6) People often fail to take individual differences into account. For example, introverts and socially awkward people often make a dishonest impression, as do black people (to white observers at least). The behaviours that these groups of people show are often incorrectly interpreted as indicative of lying.

Where does all the crap come from?

• Old wives tales
• Body Language charlatans
• Neuro-linguistic programming

Old wives tales: are basically folk wisdom or folk law; and it’s pretty easy to find people who will tell you that “Liars can’t look you in the eye“, “Liars have shifty eyes“, “Liars fidget” or “Liars say ‘ah,’ ‘er,’ ‘uh,’ or ‘um’ a lot“. All no doubt reinforced by years of old Detective movies. Someone may have spotted this behaviour once or twice, and it happened to coincide with a moment during which a person was being deceptive, and the idea stuck.

Body Language charlatans: are basically greedy people trying to make a living by inventing their own field of study (much like Astrologers). These people would have you believe that everyone behaves the same way, all the time, in all situations, or that there is some standard set of behaviours that all people exhibit. In spite of the fact that people who want to be deceptive will have taken the trouble to familiarise themselves with this body of literature, and will therefore be monitoring their behaviour to make sure they don’t conform to this pattern.

According to these “unqualified experts” everyone feels guilty when they lie, and it doesn’t matter that “Professionally qualified Psychologists” have found that many people actually experience a sense of pleasure while lying. A behaviour known as “duping delight” (possibly because they see deception as part of a game that they believe that they are winning, at that point). However, that doesn’t matter, because the Body Language charlatans won’t have to deal with a situation where an innocent person is accused of being a liar, on the basis of arbitrary rules.

Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP): is more interesting, and in this case, the idea seems to be that you can tell whether someone is lying solely from whether the person breaks eye contact to the right or left. The belief that liars break to the left is popular, although there is absolutely no scientific evidence to support this theory.

The idea seems to be derived from the NLP “eye accessing cues” model, which holds that a persons preference for thinking visually, auditorily or kinaesthetically (emotionally) can be determined by watching the direction of their eye movements during communication. To be fair to Bandler and Grinder, I cannot recall any literature in which they have suggested a correlation between lying and looking to the left, so the idea seems to have been invented by some of their more over-enthusiastic students.

What can help you spot liars?

It’s important to take a balanced view, when it comes to determining whether you’re being lied to or not. If you assume that everyone is honest all the time, you’re more likely to be duped by a liar. But on the other hand, assuming that everyone is lying is unlikely to win you many friends, and ultimately leads to paranoia.

Next, in more recent years, Psychologists have developed a checklist of criteria collectively known as Reality monitoring theory (See Johnson, Hashtroudi & Lindsay (1993) and Johnson & Raye (1998) for a more academic overview of this subject). According to Reality monitoring theory, people rely on qualitative characteristics of memories to decide whether a memory is based on an actual experience or not. So, it is assumed that externally derived memories contain more references to sensory information (visual details, colours, sounds, smells, taste, and touch), contextual information (about space and time), emotions and feelings, and semantic information. On the other hand, internally derived memories are supposed to contain more references to cognitive operations at the time of encoding i.e. a person will reason “I must have dreamt this, because I know I’ve never been to China.”

One piece of information to look out for when trying to detect a liar is whether or not the person describes inferences that they made at the time of the event e.g. “His reactions gave me the impression that he was angry” or “It seemed to me that he didn’t know where he was going”. This criterion would also include repeated thinking about they are describing, and is probably the least helpful and most contentious part of Reality monitoring theory.

So, rather than detect liars, it’s actually much easier to determine people telling the truth, and in fact, the other criteria from Reality monitoring theory, are all concerned with judging whether people are more likely to be telling the truth. Thus, the more of these criteria that you can identify, the more likely the information being given to you is the truth:

Clarity/Vividness: The information that the person gives you should be clear, sharp and vivid (instead of dim and vague).

Realism: The information that the person gives you should be plausible, realistic and make sense.

Sensory information: This criterion is present if the statement includes perceptual information such as visual details (e.g. “I saw the man get into the car”), sounds (e.g. “She really shouted at me”), physical sensations (e.g. “It really hurt”), smells (e.g. “It had a smell of bacon”) and tastes (e.g. “The wine was very fruity”).

Emotions and feelings: This criterion is present if information is included about how the person felt during the event (e.g. “I was very anxious”)

Spatial information: This criterion is present if the statement includes information about locations (e.g. “It was in the park”) or the spatial arrangement of people and / or objects (e.g. “The man was sitting to the left of his girlfriend” or “The radio was obscured by the curtains”)

Temporal information: This criterion is present if the statement includes information about when the event happened, either from the time of year or time of day, (e.g. “It was early in the afternoon”) or explicitly describes a sequence of events (e.g. “When she heard the noise, she became nervous and left” or “As soon as the man entered the pub, the girl started smiling”)

Reconstructability of the story: This criterion is present if, despite the complexity of the story, it is possible to reconstruct the events on the basis of the information told to you.

How well does this work?

In laboratory studies of Reality monitoring theory using adults, Sporer was able to detect 75% of truths, 68% of lies and 71% overall. Then Vrij, Edward, Roberts and Bull managed 77% of truths, 74% of lies and 72% overall. So, whilst not perfect, this method is a massive improvement in accuracy over all the methods detailed above.

Posted by Jonathan as Psychology, Sociology at 2:35 AM BST

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Some time back, we asked where you considered the best place to find people to seduce was. And, you can still add your view, if you like.

One of the most surprising features of that poll was that some options were quite popular, whilst other options, which often have serious advertising money thrown at them, scored nothing.

Now, it could be that there are a lot of deluded advertisers out there, and that wouldn’t surprise me at all. Or it might be that some of the less popular options need specialised tactics in order to obtain any sort of worthwhile result. Then, quite possibly, there may be other reasons that haven’t been thought of yet…

The only way to find out is to have another quick survey; so this time we’re asking:

Posted by Jonathan as Polls & Surveys at 9:54 PM BST

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This final article is a collection of various strange aphrodisiacs which do not seem to fit elsewhere, as well as some clearly fictitious material.

Cantharidin and Spanish fly

Even in modern times, the legend of Spanish fly as a powerful aphrodisiac persists, and urban folklore sometimes gives it a prominent role.

Spanish fly is the emerald-green blister beetle, Cantharis vesicatoria or Lytta vesicatoria which is found in southern parts of Europe. The body is usually 15-22mm long and 5-8mm wide, with a strong smell and a burning taste. The dried and crushed body of the beetle was used medically as an irritant and diuretic, but was also regarded as a potent aphrodisiac, especially for elderly gentlemen. The Latin name of the beetle derives from the Greek word ‘Lytta’, meaning rage, and the Latin word ‘Vesica’, meaning blister. This indicates the main effects of poisonous doses: mental illness and blisters.

The beetle, which thrives on plants of the families Oleaceae and Caprifoliaceae, contains 0.5-1% of the active ingredient Cantharidin. Cantharidin must be handled with extreme care, since it is highly toxic by ingestion, but can also be absorbed through skin and mucous membranes. This poisoning is called Cantharidism, and can consist of severe gastrointestinal disturbances and nephritis, with collapse occurring in severe cases and a risk of death shortly afterwards. Consumption of 1.6 grams of pulverised beetles has led to death after 26 hours, and ten milligrams of pure Cantharidin has resulted in fatality.

Cantharidin is excreted by the kidneys, and during excretion will irritate the entire urinary tract. Irritation of the urethra will increase blood flow to this region and might result in priapism. It is quite likely that this priapism is the origin of the use of Spanish fly as an aphrodisiac.

The earliest descriptions of its use as a medicine date back to antiquity. The drug is mentioned by Hippocrates, Celsus and Pliny. The Roman empress Livia purportedly slipped it into the food of other members of the imperial family, to encourage them into committing sexual indiscretions that could later be used against them. (Livia was originally the wife of Tiberius Claudius Nero, but was given by him to Octavianus, later known as Emperor Augustus, as a part of a reconciliation agreement).

In 1772 the infamous Marquis de Sade doctored some aniseed sweets with Spanish fly, and offered those to some prostitutes who took part in a flogging orgy. There were no aphrodisiac effects, but the girls became very ill, and the Marquis was brought to trial for poisoning.

Precious stones and pearls

These have long been associated with powers to stimulate the sexual desire, not only when presented as such (imagine the effect of being giving a diamond ring), but also when consumed.

Crushed agate is reportedly especially effective, and Cleopatra would dissolve pearls in vinegar and drink this mixture as an aphrodisiac. Since she managed to get both Julius Caesar and Marc Anthony as lovers, the potion may have a little truth behind it…

The Persians made pastilles out of crushed pearls and rubies, gold dust and ambergris, and ate this as an aphrodisiac, too.

Satyrion

Judging from Greek and Roman accounts, Satyrion must have been pretty close to the perfect aphrodisiac. According to Theophrastus, it is produced on one occasion every seventy consecutive acts of coitus. Another Roman author suggests that it is sufficient to use it on the soles of the feet to produce erotic arousal. And, yet another source suggests that it was sufficient to hold a part of the plant in the hand to produce the desired erotic effects.

Unfortunately, the precise identity of Satyrion is not known today. It was a plant with reddish leaves and a double root, possibly similar to the salep producing orchids. The most common way of using it was to pulverize the dried root and add it to wine.

However, the popularity of Satyrion led to its eradication, a fate it shared with Silphion (laserpitium), a plant known to be richly nourishing, a delicious spice and a powerful medicine.

Scents as Aphrodisiacs

Small, volatile organic molecules are of extreme importance among many animals and insects, for the transmission of information about sexual availability, to members of the opposite sex. Such molecules are called pheromones, after a Greek word meaning “to transfer excitement”.

Female butterflies of the genus Bombyx release a chemical called Bombycol, and as little as 100 molecules are sufficient to evoke a sexual response from a Bombyx male.

Some flowers also fool insects by using pheromones. The orchid Ophrys insectifera releases a mixture of chemicals that attracts male Hymenoptera (insects of the genus Argogorytes). Because of the odour, the males believe the orchid flowers are females of their own species, and attempt to copulate with them. Naturally, they are unsuccessful, but pollen grains from the orchid attach to them, and the next time they try to copulate with an orchid flower, the pollen grains are transferred and thereby pollinate the flower.

Even large animals can make use of pheromones. Two researchers from the Oregon Graduate Institute of Science in Portland, Oregon, USA (Nature, 1996), analysed 4,000 litres of elephant urine, looking for a substance released by female elephants just before ovulation. Apparently, this substance lets bull elephants know that the time is right for romance. Surprisingly, it turns out that this elephant pheromone, cis-7-dodecenyl acetate is the same compound produced by some insects.

The human body also secretes several compounds with strong smells, as well as compounds which can be transformed by bacteria into chemicals with a strong odour. Volatile aliphatic acids occur in normal vaginal secretions of many primates, including humans, and this strong odour (butyric acid, with its smell of rancid butter) has been shown to increase stimulation of sexual activity in male monkeys.

Humans have glands at the base of the hair follicles, especially in the armpits and genital region, which produce as yet unidentified chemicals, the odours of which might possibly affect members of the opposite sex. These chemicals are spread over the hair surface, which would allow for efficient dispersal. One interesting phenomenon in this context is “Women’s dormitory syndrome”, a condition in which women living in close proximity to each other begin to synchronise their menstrual cycles, after a short while. This has been attributed to the effect of a pheromone present in the underarm sweat of women.

An old American custom, quoted in “The Scent of Eros”, was for the man to keep a handkerchief in his armpit while dancing. After the dance he would present it to his partner, supposedly the anticipated effect was that of an aphrodisiac. Thus, perhaps the arrival of easily available soap and perfumes has changed the perception of human pheromones?

Perfumes as Aphrodisiacs

Probably, mankind has always used various odorous preparations to increase his or her attractiveness to the opposite sex. And, is it just possible that this is an attempt to mimic “human pheromones”, although it could just be an attempt to create an atmosphere of positive association. One of the most popular perfume smells is that of Musk, which has been shown to closely resemble the smell of testosterone.

The Romans used perfumes lavishly, including perfumes based on Civet and Ambergris – the former is derived from the secretion of the civet cat, and the latter from the sperm whale. Ambergris is more a carrier of scents than a perfume of its own, so it has been used to restore vital powers to those exhausted, for various reasons.

Other smells

Even the smell of food can act as an aphrodisiac. Neurologist Alan Hirsch rated male responses to various smells, by measuring changes in penile blood flow, and found that foods outperformed perfumes. In some cases the average increase of penile blood flow was 40%.

The foods highest on the rating list included cinnamon buns, roast meat and cheese pizza. Also, less surprisingly, chocolate, vanilla, strawberry and peppermint.

Other foods

Burchard I, bishop of Worms (1000-1025), describes an interesting approach to aphrodisiacs. When the wheat had been harvested, but before it was threshed, a woman would undress and roll around over the wheat, which was then threshed and taken to the mill. After milling (counter-clockwise) the flour was used by the woman for the preparation of “love breads”. Apparently, any man eating such bread would immediately desire the woman.

Do numbers have aphrodisiacal properties?

Yes, if you believe some Arab numerologists, as quoted by Martin Gardner in his ‘Mathematical Magic Show’.

All numbers have divisors (smaller numbers by which they can be divided), with the integers being whole numbers. For example, the divisors of 6 are 1, 2 and 3 and the divisors of 28 are 1, 2, 4, 7, and 14. Since the sum of the divisors of 6 and 28 are indeed the numbers themselves, 6 and 28 are called Perfect numbers.

Friendly numbers are pairs of numbers such that each number is the sum of the divisors of the other number. Friendly numbers, however, are not common, with the simplest pair being 220 and 284:

Sum of divisors of 220 = 1 + 2 + 4 + 5 + 10 + 11 + 20 + 22 + 44 + 55 + 110 = 284
Sum of divisors of 284 = 1 + 2 + 4 + 71 + 142 = 220

Three other pairs are 1,184 and 1,210, 17,296 and 18,416, and 9,363,584 and 9,437,056.

Thus, according to the Arab numerologists, you should carve one of the friendly numbers on one of a pair of fruits, and the second number on the other fruit. Eat the first fruit yourself, and offer the second fruit to somebody whose love you are desirous of. If that person eats the fruit (or, more likely, if that person is skilled in mathematics) you can hope for success.

Posted by Jonathan as Miscellaneous at 12:48 PM BST

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Last year, researchers at Durham University published a paper revealing that “Daddy’s girls” choose husbands that look like their fathers, whilst those who had difficult relationships with their fathers tended to go for men with very different looks.

Now, according to a new study from the University of Iowa, it seems that if a man’s mother is highly educated, the chances are that the woman he marries will also have equivalent qualifications.

Researchers found that nearly 80% of high-achieving men, whose mothers held a bachelor’s degree, married women with a similar education. And 62% of men, whose mothers had a master’s degree or doctorate, tied the knot with an equivalent degree holder.

Sociologist, Dr Christine Whelan and her colleague, Christie Boxer studied data from 3,700 people who took part in a survey about men and the educational level of the women close to them. All the men surveyed were considered to be high achievers, in their 20s and 30s, who earned salaries in the top 10 percent for their age group.

The researchers discovered that more than 70% of the men had mothers who worked while they were growing up, and that the same group was twice as likely to marry a woman who made $50,000 or more per year.

Of course, the results might be explained by social class, but the U.S. based researchers believe they help explain the old adage that ‘men tend to marry their mothers’.

Dr Whelan (who obtained her degree from Oxford University) said:

These young men look up to their mothers as role models. They grew up in a family where their mothers were educated women

When they make their own choices about someone who they think will be a good wife in the future, or a good mother, they go back to their role models.

They are increasing excited about the idea that they won’t have to be the only bread winner in the family, so these men are attracted to women who have a job and express a continuing interest to work

Although the research focused on high-earners, the phenomenon is expected to apply more generally, with men of all incomes being influenced by their mother’s attitude towards work and education.

Possibly, modelling their choice of wife on a parents’ successful marriage may help a child increase their own chances of a happy partnership.

Posted by Jonathan as Anthropology, Sociology at 6:49 PM BST

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Numerous animal preparations with little or no nutritious value have been used as aphrodisiacs, throughout the years.

According to a medieval recipe, black ants would be dried, and mixed with olive oil immediately before consumption. Lizards were also highly regarded by both Arabs and Southern Europeans – they would dry the lizard, pulverise it and consume the powder with a sweet white wine. Alternatively, the lizard could also be the main constituent of a more elaborate dish.

In “The Perfumed Garden”, it is suggested that rubbing the penis and the vulva with the bile of a jackal will make those parts more willing for sex. The Perfumed Garden goes on to note that a man can melt down fat from the hump of a camel and rub his penis with it, just before sex. It will then perform wonders, and the woman will praise it for its work; the book asserts (or, at least it will act as a lubricant).

Leeches were used to increase the size of the penis – They are put in a bottle, which is kept enclosed in the warmth of a dunghill until the leeches have turned into a homogenous mass – Then this substance is used as a liniment for anointing the penis.

According to Pliny, the gall of a boar would stimulate an erection. And, in some Asian countries, even gallstones are believed to be an aphrodisiac, and therefore can have a market value of many tens of thousands of dollars per kilo.

The flesh of the Nilgiri Languor and the lion-tailed macaque is reputed for its aphrodisiacal properties, according to Ramachandran et al. (1987).

In Hong Kong, certain shark species can fetch hundreds of dollars apiece, because of the demand for shark fins as an aphrodisiac. The fins are removed, dried for two days and then cooked into shark fin soup.

Asses’ milk had a reputation as an aphrodisiac amongst the Romans and Arabs, but mainly when used topically. Rubbing the genitals twice a day with the milk allegedly had beneficial effects; and according to “The Perfumed Garden”, the virile member would become “uncommonly strong and vigorous”. It is also supposed to have effects on women – Poppea, the wife of the Roman emperor Nero, is said to have bathed in it.

Ambergris: is a product derived from certain whales, and can occasionally be found on ocean beaches. It is extremely expensive and used for perfume production. According to Arabic folklore it is also an aphrodisiac. Dr. SA Taha and colleagues reported that in rats, ambrein, a constituent of ambergris, produced “recurrent episodes of penile erection, a dose-dependent, vigorous and repetitive increase in intromissions and an increased anogenital investigatory behaviour“.

Antlers: Most likely because of their similarity to an erect penis, horns and antlers have long been used as aphrodisiacs, especially in Eastern Asia. Reindeer shed their antlers annually, and these abandoned reindeer antlers are often imported to Japan as aphrodisiacs. The Tibetan Red Deer (Cervus elaphus wallichi) has long been listed as extinct by the World Conservation Union, but a herd of 200 animals was discovered fairly recently about 100 miles east of Lhasa, Tibet, on an alpine meadow, at an altitude of about 4,000 meters. The reason for their earlier supposed extinction (and their current threat), is that they are coveted for their velvety antlers, which are highly prized as aphrodisiacs.

Chan Su: is a traditional Chinese medication used, amongst other things, as a topical anaesthetic. It is prepared from the skin of the toad Bufo bufo gargarizans and contains bufadienolides and bufotenine. Several fatalities have been reported over the years, as a result of ingestion of this drug (the deaths were caused by cardiac dysrhythmia). Even when used topically, Chan Su is not in any way an amorous adjuvant, when ingested, its contents of cardio-active steroids such as resibufogenin, bufalin and cinobufagin, is certain to have detrimental effects.

Oysters: During the time of the Roman Empire oysters enjoyed an aphrodisiac reputation, which has only increased over the ages. Oysters are low in fat and high in minerals, and so are therefore quite healthy foods. Phosphorus, Iodine and Zinc are beneficial, especially Zinc, which is said to increase sperm and testosterone production, as well as the secretion of vaginal lubricant.

On the other hand, according to Norman Lewis in his book “Aphrodisiacs I Have Known“, a group of male pearl-divers on the island of Kamaran (off the Arabian coast) get most of their nourishment from oysters – and have very low sex drives.

One reason for the popularity of seafood, and oysters in particular, could be that such food generally is light, so you do not end up over-stuffed (and then underperforming) after half a dozen oysters. Casanova is said to have been a firm believer in oysters, eating fifty of them raw every morning in his bath, together with the lady he fancied at that moment.

Rhino Horn: Powdered rhinoceros horns are regarded as something of a panacea in Eastern Asia, believed effective against anything from nosebleeds and headaches to diphtheria and food poisoning. In addition, they are widely believed to increase male sexual endurance, including the ability to achieve an erection. However, it should be noted that the original rhino aphrodisiac was the dried penis, and not the horn. Further, widespread poaching of rhinos has led to all five rhino species being included on the list of endangered animals.

A rhino’s horn is not attached to its skull, and so is therefore not a true horn, but a growth of densely compressed dermal fibres, made up of keratin; which is the same material that is found in hair and nails. Consequently, consumption of powdered nail clippings could be expected to provide more or less the same results as a rhino’s horn.

Inagaki and Oida investigated the low molecular weight constituents of rhino horn, and found Sugar, Phosphorous and Ethanolamine are present along with several free amino acids, such as Aspartic acid, Threonine, Ornithine, Lysine, Histidine and Arginine (which, people have speculated, may increase the intensity of sensation during sex).

The use of rhino horns (and tiger bones) for medical purposes was declared illegal by the State Council of the People’s Republic of China, in 1993.

Snake Blood: In parts of Eastern Asia snake blood is used to boost the flagging male libido. The exact snake species doesn’t really matter as long as it’s truly poisonous, although cobras seem to be favoured. It is claimed that the best effects are obtained from fresh blood, and in Malaysia, special parlours exist where live snakes are served. The snake tail is pierced and the customer sucks blood from it for a few minutes to increase his capacity for love-making. No information is available on how often the same snake can be reused.

Tiger preparations: Tiger whiskers are used as an aphrodisiac in Indonesia, but in Malaysia the same preparation is regarded as a strong poison. In Eastern Asia, many tiger parts are considered to be powerful aphrodisiacs, including bones, fat, liver and penis. No doubt after consumption, just like the tiger, you will be able to make love for a full 15 seconds!

Animal genitalia aphrodisiacs

Organotherapy was popular with the Romans, for treating sexual problems. This therapy is based on the belief that the consumption of a healthy animal organ might cure illnesses in the corresponding human organ. Thus, the Romans ate all kinds of animal genitalia, including penises, wombs and testes, from animals ranging from monkeys to cocks. Apicus, in his “De re coquinaria” includes several recipes for stuffed womb of pig and cow, mainly as dishes to increase fertility.

The use of deer genitals as an aphrodisiac dates back to antiquity. Hippocrates recommends the penis, an organ that according to Dioscoride, can also be used as an antidote against snake bites.

Preparations of deer penis were included in several pharmacopoeias as late as the 18th century, for example, in Sweden, Pharmacopoeia Wirtenbergensis, published in 1750, recommends “Cervi Priapus” against poisoning, bladder stones and blood in the urine, and also claims that this is an excellent aphrodisiac.

Deer testicles, “Testiculi cervi”, were less popular, but nevertheless included in the famous “Pharmacologia” by Dale, published in 1696, as an aphrodisiac.

Finally, an indirect use of animal genitalia is suggested in “The Perfumed Garden”: Boil an ass’s penis together with onions and a large quantity of corn. Feed this dish to fowl, which you eat afterwards. This will apparently increase the size and capacity of a man’s penis.

Posted by Jonathan as Biology, History at 4:00 PM BST

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One of the biggest controversies still raging in the area of the first kiss is whether or not one should ask permission first.

The pro-permissioners’ point is easy to grasp: According to them, asking a girl for permission is to treat her as a civilized human being, to give her an opportunity to say what she actually thinks. There are no ‘ifs’ or ‘buts’, or attempts to decipher vague and misleading phrases of body language; the man gets an absolutely bell-clear answer. In addition, the permissioners argue, coming boldly out with the question, without a trace of a quiver in your voice, helps the girl feel confident about you. You appear calm, self-assured, in control, and this all helps her relax and succumb.

The doers, however, say that this is a technique for wusses: These born-again Hemingways believe in action, not words. They handle passes, and sex in general, the way that Hemingway handled words, keeping it all short and to the point. They act on gut feeling; they look the girl in the eyes, then try and plant one on her lips! Asking permission, they say, is to hold up a placard saying. “I’m too nervous to do it, please say it’s okay”; and they equate nerves with bad breath and dandruff, as pollutants to sexual chemistry.

However, a middle way does exist: The doers do have a point, wimpishness and nerves can be great destroyers of sexual advance (unless the girl is a mothering type). However, well-controlled nerves and the right sort of questions can be very effective.

Asking over-politely, or over-confidently on the other hand, either appears wimpish or plain rude. A confident question makes it sound like you’re expecting a ‘Yes’, and have been all along! or even worse, that you believe that she says ‘Yes’ all the time! – It deprives her of her mystery (and girls like mystery) – But, a Polite question makes it sound like the right to taste her lips is no more special than the right to ask for the salt at the dinner table.

The kiss itself seems to be the acid test of whether she wants you or not. But it’s wrong to think of “the first kiss” in the singular – it never hurts to be too cautious – remember how much it hurts to be rejected. What some seducers will do is try and break up the first kiss so that by the time lip-to-lip contact is about to be made, smaller-scale kisses in more neutral spots have already been delivered and accepted. In other words, they nuzzle a bit before a major pass, but this isn’t wet nuzzling in the sense of soppy and wimpish – it’s cool calculated, sophisticated nuzzling.

This is really quite easy once your arms are linked, or your arm is across her shoulders. As you walk you’ve been occasionally pulling her a little closer, testing the degree of her inertia, and then letting her out again. If it’s all going well on the next pull-in you can try whispering something in her ear. Don’t make it too romantic or passionate; just keep it mildly humorous, but pleasant. Then do the same again but keeping your face closer to hers, this time resting your cheek on hers, slightly grazing your lips across her cheek as you pull away. Then just keep this up, giving her occasional little grazes. If she isn’t impressed she’ll put a stop to this immediately, and if she doesn’t mind the chances are that she’ll definitely go for the main pass. It’s also worth noting that brushing kisses around the ears and neck can be very provocative to lots of girls, actually getting them as interested in more heavy breathing activity as fast as the lip-to-lip series.

Now, suddenly, you realise it’s time to begin the main kiss. You can see it in her eyes that she’s waiting for you to make a move, and you can also see that she isn’t giving you any more clues – You have to commit yourself – With girls you always have to take some sort of leap into the darkness, no matter how encouraging they are, or how observant you’ve been. The key with kissing is to keep it simple, especially on the first one.

Don’t try and do it too slowly to start off with, licking lips, sucking teeth, concentrating on advanced open-mouth flourishes – Keep these for later. Just make the first kiss a basic, gentle French kiss; Lips touch, tongue enters, slowly waggles around for a bit, then draws away and pauses for a moment. You can then catch your breath and prepare to plunge in seriously.

The symbolic offer and acceptance is over, and the worst mistake you could make there is to blast away at the first kiss too passionately, since this can be far too intimidating. Remember you’re putting your tongue into a complete stranger’s mouth; you need to do it slowly and politely. If she jumps on you when you do it, then of course it’s okay to respond, but as long as you’re leading, start slowly.

Then, however, another issue comes up. Should you kiss with eyes open or closed? On films, of course, all lovers have their eyes shut the moment the lips touch, the girls often for longer. Now for girls this isn’t a problem, they are essentially having all this done to them, and being in the passenger seat they don’t need to see what’s going on. For the male, keeping a good bearing is vital, especially as the kissing generally starts late at night, when he’s tired, and in a dark place.

Basically, it’s more stylish to kiss with eyes closed, but many men feel it’s too much of a waste to work that much for something, and then when it finally comes, not to watch it. And of course, that’s not a problem anyway, so long as the girl is keeping her eyes closed. The problem comes if she suddenly opens them in mid-kiss, then, immediately you feel rather silly, as if you’ve been caught out looking. In this instance don’t shut your eyes quickly, this is a complete giveaway and actually makes you look guilty! Instead, sort of melt your expression, as if overcome by emotion, and cuddle her tighter. Often the girl will then shut her eyes again.

Shutting eyes does have certain very distinct advantages, one in particular pointed out by many girls, is that you can pretend it’s someone else much more easily.

Your kiss should suggest what’s going to come later – it should be soft and moist, with elements of hard and precise mixed in. You’ve got to show that you can be gentle, and that you can dominate too. The girl doesn’t want to show you how she does it, she wants to lay back and let you do it. She wants to see what your like, and then decide:

1. If you’re any good at it.
2. What role to play herself (innocent virgin, experienced older woman, etc.)

A lot of girls will wait until that first kiss to decide whether they’re going to sleep with a man or not. This isn’t because they can’t make up their mind from the way he looks, talks and acts, it’s the same procedure with men that they really like. Somehow, the way a man does the first kiss can either be so good or so off-putting. And, if the kissing is really that bad, then no matter what you look like, she’ll just be completely turned off.

The kiss is therefore to relax the girl, to soothe her doubts, and to set the scene. It mustn’t be jerky, it must flow, and the man mustn’t give the girl time to think. If he does the same thing repeatedly, she will get bored, her mind will wander, and she’ll suddenly seize up. Finally, as if all that wasn’t complicated enough, it’s important that he uses his hands at the same time.

If you’re not sure whether you can touch her boobs this early, then use your hands on the back of the girl’s neck, her hair and her face. This will actually give the girl lots of confidence, since if you leave your arms dangling by your side because your not sure what you’ll be allowed to do yet, she’ll start wondering what you’re up to, where your hands actually are, and whether they’re suddenly going to appear between her legs at any moment. Use your hands on her shoulders and back, but be careful not to do it too hard on her back, otherwise you’ll pull her blouse or top up from her skirt or trousers, and she’ll think you’re trying to undress her.

Posted by Jonathan as Psychology, Sociology at 12:26 AM BST

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