In the University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire study, which looked at the platonic relationships of people aged 18 to 23 and 27 to 52, researchers found that sexual sparks and mating motives can shape who we choose to make friends with, and how hard we work to keep those people as part of our lives.
For many, lead author April Bleske-Rechek says, having an attractive friend or a friend who makes us feel attractive validates our feelings of desirability and offers a sense of security.
It’s the whole back burner idea that there’s some possibility [for love] there if the current romantic relationship doesn’t work out
Across both age groups and genders, people who are attracted to an opposite-sex friend will place additional importance on maintaining that relationship. But, the more attraction and flirtation play a role in a friendship, the lower the levels of satisfaction with the current romantic relationship.
Bleske-Rechek said:
This is a chicken-and-egg question, we don’t know if flirtation and attraction to an opposite-sex friend causes a decrease in satisfaction with their current romantic relationship, or if they’re not satisfied with their current romantic relationship so it’s more important for them to have something elsewhere.
Young women who are romantically involved are less likely to be attracted to an opposite-sex friend, and even less likely to be attracted to an opposite-sex friend who himself is involved. But, this “blinders” effect does not occur in their male counterparts.
Dr Bleske-Rechek continued:
For young adult men, single and involved are the same thing, they have the exact same perceptions of attraction to that friend whether she’s involved or not.
Interestingly, young men tend to overestimate how attracted their female friends are to them, while young women tend to underestimate male friends’ attraction. However, middle-aged men and women report similar levels of attraction to each other.
Both sexes - although women more so than men - are keenly aware that sparks between friends can wreak havoc on their romantic relationships if they aren’t careful.
Amongst young adults, 22 percent of men and 47 percent of women think sexual chemistry with an opposite-sex friend makes their lives more complicated. With middle-aged adults, 15 percent of men and 33 percent of women feel that way.
The difficulty most often cited was spousal jealousy. For about a quarter of men and nearly half of women (45 percent), an opposite-sex friendship isn’t considered kosher by the person with whom they share a bed.
Such spousal concerns aren’t unfounded. A 2004 study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology revealed that as much as 15 percent of the time, an opposite-sex friendship between romantically committed people can end in a “mate poach.”
Posted by Jonathan in Anthropology, Psychology