Do you want to be rich, but you’re too idle to get a job? Are you arrogant and lack respect for the rest of the world? Do you never admit to being wrong? Think you’re superior, and know more than everyone else?

If you answered ‘yes’ to all these question, then congratulations, you could start a brand new career as a Seduction expert.

It’s easy peasy too… Just take some simple occurrence and then hard sell it to all us brainless imbeciles on the Internet. Maybe you could eulogise how important it is to wash and not smell like a camel, when people go out looking for someone to seduce. Perhaps you could invent talking to people in pubs / bars, and then sell us your discoveries. Five minutes of deliberation will get you a lifetime of paycheques.

So, here’s a sample sales letter you can adopt and adapt to start your new business, guaranteed to lure in loads of victims customers.

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<Insert retarded pseudonym here> presents:

SOME LAME SEDUCTION PRODUCT!!

Here is an image of my name typed in a handwriting font, so it looks like a signature.

Here is a photo of a happy looking guy, wearing fetish clothing.

Dear Friend,

———————– FOLD (never write above the fold) ———————-

My name is <Insert retarded pseudonym here> and I profess to being a Seduction master. I have had more sex in a week than you will have in your life, using MY system that only I know, but I’ll give you the chance to have this system all for yourself, right after I’ve shown you this:

Here are some testimonials written by my friends.

Here are some stock photos.

Again, I will profess to being an expert, and tell you about the girl I fucked, within hours of inventing this system.

And we’ll have some more stock photos.

Hang on, I was wrong, I said I shagged a girl…

Sorry, but it was three girls!! Ooops, aren’t I silly?!?

Here’s some randomised text that will baffle you a little and make you half forget that you’re reading this with a view to buying anything. I’ll tell you about how I was ‘an ordinary bloke’ who worked in a shop, or did something in an office, just like you. Then I’ll tell you about how my system got me loving from all the fittest supermodels, and how Hugh Hefner now asks me for advice!!

Don’t you feel like you’ve always known me?

Here’s some text that makes you half believe that this product will be free.

Here’s some Photoshopped image of a little black book, brimming with numbers I allegedly obtained last week.

Here’s a stock photo of a model, in a car that I claim to own.

Here’s a stock image of four models, next to a beach house.

Have some more text, maybe even a couple of questions regarding the reader’s wishes towards a rich and fulfilling sex life.

And some more testimonials, with yet more stock photos.

BLAM, here’s the price, near the bottom.

Wow, sounds a lot doesn’t it? But just look at the stock photo of the girl again, and one of those four models at a different angle, just to make her look a bit more real.

And now take another peek at the happy looking guy wearing fetish clothes, I’ve Photoshopped in a really nice looking woman in her mid-twenties so I look like I’ve got a girlfriend. Look closely, you can even see the joins.

Possibly my friend’s stock photos and some more testimonials.

So hand over your money now!

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Posted by Jonathan in Humour