Research has suggested that testosterone is linked with aggression. Other studies have shown that when men have sex, their endocrine system’s release a cocktail of chemicals, including serotonin, norepinephrine, oxytocin, vasopressin, nitric oxide, and prolactin. All of which makes them feel extremely relaxed and happy; further, this mixture seems to act to counter the effects of testosterone.

It’s therefore my belief that in some instances, where males aren’t having any sex, they get increasingly aggressive, eventually ending up becoming violent and possibly even committing petty crimes; or at least generally making a nuisance of themselves, for the rest of society to sort out.

So, I suspect I may have touched a nerve with one of these gentlemen, who writes in a somewhat aggressive manner that “Seduction” is a bad thing because he feels that there is an implication of manipulation and deceit attached to the word, and therefore he proposes that “attraction” would be a more suitable alternative, the website should be renamed and etc. (the rest of his e-mail is an unqualified rant, unfortunately)

Normally, this type of missive goes straight to the trash, but my highly-strung new friend does make an attempt to backup part of his argument with evidence, so he has to be commended for that. He thus claims that the dictionary defines Seduction as:

The act of seducing; enticement to wrong doing; specifically, the offense of inducing a woman to consent to unlawful sexual intercourse, by enticements which overcome her scruples; the wrong or crime of persuading a woman to surrender her chastity.

Unfortunately for him, the Internet gives everybody access to the world’s largest source of information, and it’s therefore extremely easy to check references; whereupon it seems that this definition is his own fabrication, since the meaning doesn’t appear in the online version of the Oxford English Dictionary, and the rather handy Dictionary.com says:

se·duc·tion
–noun

1. an act or instance of seducing, esp. sexually.
2. the condition of being seduced.
3. a means of seducing; enticement; temptation.

Maybe this fellow’s bizarre belief stems from the fact that he thinks Seduction is a “game” (I sincerely hope he doesn’t mean seducers should persuade girls to go “on the game“). Maybe he means this in the same sense as someone I once met who boasted that he was “Gaming the System”, which he explained as obtaining money he wasn’t properly entitled too, or perhaps he thinks that he is a “Player”? However, I would posit that in a game, one has a chance of losing a lot more than in a seduction. A knock-back from someone you are trying to seduce is not nearly as unpleasant as a broken leg from playing Rugby, losing all your money playing Poker, and certainly not in the same league as the consequences of losing a game of Russian roulette. Perhaps a Lottery would be a better analogy, because one would only tend to lose the entry fee; but then to suggest that Seduction is completely random completely defeats the point of trying to have a rich and varied sex life.

Back to the original point of this article, I would suggest that manipulation in seduction is a good thing. Clearly, it would be extremely unusual for any sane person to walk straight up to a stranger and honestly propose that they should have sex together; at least not without a certain amount of initial manipulation.

As an example, if I meet some attractive girls somewhere, they’re probably pretty much ho-hum about meeting yet another guy; possibly they’re even slightly disinterested. After all, a lot of guys are fools that have no respect for women; so why should they make the effort to be nice, especially when they probably have random guys wandering up to them on a semi-regular basis.

So, I need to manipulate them into seeing me in a more positive light, get them enjoying my company, and wanting more of it… Then I can work on getting to manipulate them in the bedroom, but that’s a whole different story.

On the other side of the coin, the same women probably want to meet a man that they can have fun with, enjoy some intelligent company, and know that he won’t spend all evening insulting them, trying to touch them inappropriately (and other dumb stuff that some guys try), since I would imagine that the same dim-witted guy, assuming he had sex at all, would then spend the next month bragging about it to all his mates, and ruining some poor girls reputation in the process.

So, in western society, there’s a taboo against girls walking up to guys they don’t know, at least not without an excellent reason. But women still need to attract quality men… How do they do this? Well, they’ll manipulate their appearances, using make-up, Wonder bras, nice clothes and hairdos etc., to make themselves look more attractive.

In summary, therefore, attraction is a passive process mostly used by women who aren’t prepared to approach men directly, whilst seduction is an active process. As a simpler example, someone might claim “I was attracted to the painting…” (a passive process) “…and the Salesperson seduced me into buying it, when they offered good credit terms / a discount / free framing” (an active process). This just doesn’t work the other way round.

So, for many men, myself included, unless we get extensive cosmetic surgery, lose weight, gain height, develop a six-pack, a sense of fashion and then go on to discover the fountain of youth; the chances of a woman being passively attracted and then instigating sex, are slight at best. Ergo, attractiveness is more of a bonus that you either have or you don’t, whereas seduction is a skill that can be made explicit and is therefore transferable from person to person.

As to deceit, that’s generally a bad thing, but then deceit was never mentioned in any of the definitions of seduction already listed. Although, I’ve given this a little thought, and it’s certainly possible that even deceit has a small use in seduction. For example, when I’ve been asked for my opinion, by a girl I’m going out with, as to whether she should change the dress she’s wearing for the one she’s holding; I’m savvy enough to know that the best answer is to tell her “keep the one you’re wearing on”. After all, she’s probably spent some considerable time deciding what to wear, and my knowledge of women’s fashion is on a par with my knowledge of Quantum theory. I’m sure she knows this too, and since I figure she’ll look good in either dress, I know that what she really wants is a quick confidence boost, and not a teary debate about dress styles with a guy that doesn’t really have much opinion either way.

Alternatively, many people hold strong views about inconsequential things. So, how many times have you, dear reader, been at the start of a relationship with someone that appeared to be a lovely person in almost all respects, except they support a different football team to you, perhaps they venerate some over-rated celebrity that you wouldn’t piss on if they were on fire, or quite possibly they are simply opposed to promiscuity, while you spend time reading websites like Seduction Labs.

In this situation, you can be honest (and I’ll admire your principles if you are), but let’s face it, it’s more than likely going to jam a spanner in the works of your seduction. You could of course skirt the issue and wind up looking rather shifty, or you could just be deceitful (the sin of omission is deceit too) over a trivial matter that will most likely be forgotten within a short time and probably never mentioned again, at least until your relationship is on a firmer footing, and more able to deal with such ripples.

So, finally, if we don’t manipulate, we’ll more than likely just end up with a bored seducee, a worthless phone number or simply asked to ‘Please go away’. Of course, in no way am I suggesting that one should lie all the time, just occasionally it’s best to stay quiet or bend the truth a little.

Chris Rock tells an amusing anecdote about how both men and women lie, but men tell small petty lies. According to Mr. Rock, a man might say “I’m going bowling”, not realising that the woman already knows that he’s lying, because he does it all the time. But the woman might say “It’s your baby!”

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Posted by Jonathan in Biochemistry, Philosophy