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It has been established for many years that sex is good exercise, but until recently nobody had actually conducted a detailed scientific study to assess the exact caloric content of various sexual activities.
However, just last week, Professor Willy Grabber and his collaborator Dr. Betty Wolnt of the Neasden College of Knowledge, published their findings in the journal Busty Blondes.
The results of their extensive proprietary research are reproduced below:
|
Opening her bra: |
|
|---|---|
| With both hands | 8 Calories |
| With one hand | 12 Calories |
| With your teeth | 85 Calories |
|
Putting on a condom: |
|
| With an erection | 6 Calories |
| Without an erection | 315 Calories |
|
Preliminaries: |
|
| Trying to find the clitoris | 8 Calories |
| Trying to find the G-Spot | 92 Calories |
| Actually Finding the G-Spot | 186 Calories |
|
Sexual positions: |
|
| Missionary | 12 Calories |
| 69 lying down | 78 Calories |
| 69 standing up | 112 Calories |
| Wheelbarrow | 216 Calories |
| Doggy Style | 326 Calories |
| Ceiling Fan | 912 Calories |
|
Orgasming: |
|
| Real | 112 Calories |
| False | 315 Calories |
|
Post orgasm: |
|
| Lying in bed hugging | 18 Calories |
| Cleaning up | 24 Calories |
| Getting up immediately | 36 Calories |
| Explaining why you got out of bed immediately | 816 Calories |
|
Getting a 2nd erection: |
|
| If you are: 20-29 years old | 36 Calories |
| ………. 30-39 years | 80 Calories |
| ………. 40-49 years | 124 Calories |
| ………. 50-59 years | 972 Calories |
| ………. 60-69 years | 2916 Calories |
| ………. 70 and over | Results still pending |
|
Getting dressed afterwards: |
|
| Calmly | 32 Calories |
| In a hurry | 98 Calories |
| With her father knocking at the door | 1218 Calories |
| With your wife knocking at the door | 3521 Calories |
Posted by Jonathan in Humour