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One of the big seduction milestones that a number of guys would seem to need to pass is that they are shy around women.
I’m tempted to say pull yourself together; Faint heart never won fair lady! But I realise that some people are genuinely shy, and overcoming this problem would be a major hurdle for them.
I suspect that adopting the belief that “Any individual standing or sitting alone would welcome the opportunity to interact with someone else.”
You could start by smiling and saying something simple like ‘Hello’ to as many people as you can make eye contact with, and who will smile at you. Asking for simple directions, giving an unexpected compliment, or offering assistance (e.g., holding a door open) would be three very simple ways to practice talking with others. The point here is to get used to talking with people.
Here are ten more tips for dealing with shyness :
1. Practise breathing exercises, and reducing muscle tension (such as repeatedly clenching and releasing your fist).
2. Don’t use drink or drugs to loosen you up. The effects soon wear off (and you might only get a hangover).
3. Practise small talk with people whom you meet briefly in non-threatening situations, for example, while out shopping, at a museum or a sporting event.
4. To carry on a conversation, you must have something to say. Read widely, and watch or listen to information-based programmes. Try to ask open-ended questions, such as “What do you think of…?”
5. Rehearse topics that might come up. Practise at home in front of a mirror.
6. Kind acts, e.g., offering to get a party guest a drink, invite reciprocation; maximising the chances of successful socialising.
7. Accept that the world isn’t looking at you: other people tend to focus on themselves.
8. If someone ends the conversation, don’t assume that they find you boring. There are many more logical explanations (e.g., the person had someone else to meet).
9. Learn to take rejection. Nobody gets on with absolutely everyone.
10. Find your comfort zone: you may feel happier in an art class or doing volunteer work than going to a bar or nightclub.
Source: Shyness Research Institute
Posted by Jonathan in Psychology