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First, understand that the best biological strategy for men has historically been ‘relatively promiscuous’ sexual behaviour, and for women ‘relatively selective’ sexual behaviour. Furthermore, for men sex is frequently an end in and of itself; more so than for women. I once heard it put quite well as:
Men use intimacy to achieve sex, and Women use sex to achieve intimacy.
This is not universally, true, of course, but there is enough truth to provide insight and be useful.
If you accept these notions as being relatively useful descriptions of real life, you might also predict, other things being equal, that men would have a lower ‘threshold’ for sexual interactions than women (and by the way, a higher threshold for interactions involving significant intimacy). Ask yourself; are these assertions not both true?
In other words, in most relatively symmetric situations, there are more women that the average man ‘would have sex with’ than there are men that the average woman ‘would have sex with’. Therefore, other things being equal, the typical male/female sexually-related interaction is that of him making a pass at her, and her declining. Based on the most logical and most prevalent male/female strategies for maximizing their own genetic success into subsequent generations, a typical male/female sexual interaction, is that of a man attempting to initiate sex and a woman rejecting it.
This type of interaction is not an isolated incident, an emotional trauma, or an excuse for being shy. It is the most natural, and by the way, the most frequent, type of interaction. Probably 90-95% of all sexually-related (heterosexual) interactions look pretty much like this.
Much words to assert what is for most of us an obvious reality. The question is, so what?
The insight for men is; understanding that long run equilibrium is defined by an equation that looks something like this:
10 passes = 9 rejections + 1 acceptance
The insight is that in order to get the 1 acceptance a man should expect to have to go through 9 rejections. The number may actually be 1, 2, 9, 90, or any other number, but the point is the same. Men should expect a certain amount of ‘rejection’ as a natural part of their long-term seduction strategy, and should learn to deal with it, with understanding and confidence. After all dealing with acceptance is easy. It’s dealing with the rejections that are ‘in-between’ now and the next acceptance that is difficult.
Posted by Scott in Philosophy, Psychology