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Most women, have well-developed automatic defensive postures for use when men ‘come on’ to them. Many women assume an automatic defensive posture (ADP) around specific men or even certain types of men. Others go into ADP around men in general under a blanket ‘presumption of guilt’. ADP will in any case frequently be triggered if you show indications of sexual interest or attention that a woman does not specifically ask for.
Triggering the automatic defensive posture (ADP) much of the time eliminates your chances of positive interactions at all, never mind getting laid! These defensive postures involve a great deal of resistance to any interactions with you, and even hostility towards you, based on the assumption (which may or may not, be true) that you ‘just want to get into her pants’. The trouble is that everything you do from this point on is viewed in a certain light. Even if your attention was actually just curiosity, being sociable, or desire to ‘get to know her’, you looked like an invader so she has pulled up the drawbridge and the castle is in defensive posture. You can try to storm the castle, but that can be painful; far better to come back when the queen does not feel threatened and has lowered the drawbridge. On a different day she may even invite you in for tea.
Recognizing ADP:
Train yourself to sense when a woman has gone into ADP mode. If your instincts are really that bad, and sensitivity and intuition are not your strong points, if you cannot tell by the inflection in her voice, then at least associate it specifically with some of these signs.
- Arms crossed.
- Legs crossed.
- Fingers crossed.
- Face looks cross!
- Evasive eye contact.
Eye contact, above all things, eye contact. A woman may cross her arms or legs to hold off your sexual overtures, but if she still looks in your eyes she is still interested in you. Early detection of ADP can also help you avoid much suffering. Avoid pushing social interactions with these women unless you have a high tolerance for pain, or the technical skills for disarming ADP.
Avoiding ADP:
To avoid triggering a woman’s ADP come in from a different perspective. The key is to give women the perception that you are not ‘hitting on them’. This means literally changing the reason why you are talking to her. If you are a good actor you may be able to fake it for a while, but the best way I know to do that is at first, simply not to hit on her sexually, at all.
In terms of introduction:
- Get someone else to introduce you.
- Find a good excuse to talk to another member of her group.
- Get introduced to her in a social context.
- Avoid approaching her one-on-one.
- Get introduced to her by mutual friends or at least a third party.
- Accidentally knock her drink over and offer to replace it.
In terms of initial psychology:
- Avoid appearing too interested sexually.
- Make early interactions group-oriented.
- Talk to others in the group equally.
- Listen more than you talk.
- Find some real reason why you would be interacting together.
- Become knowledgeable in something she finds interesting.
- Remember that you are evaluating her as well as the other way around.
- Allow your interest in her to ‘evolve’ slowly; it’s far less likely to trigger ADP.
- Stop imagining her naked.
- Stop looking at her breasts.
- Think about something else.
Luckily for you, most women have a well-developed sense of ’social and community bonding’. Approaching women from this standpoint or in this context will significantly enhance your interactions. In this circumstance, women very easily cycle into an automatic ’social’ posture that is quite the opposite of ADP. In this posture, not only are women more open to interactions with men (i.e. you), but this role even causes them to be pro-actively social. In this posture you can interact without having to be perceived as chasing them or pushing for sex. In fact, if you are skilful enough, it will even allow you to reverse the normal psychology and have her ‘chase’ you for more interaction. The key is to avoid interactions that allow her to cycle back into the ‘classical’ psychological posture that men immediately want sex and women have to play ‘hard to get’ for long enough to ensure that they have earned it. This is ADP.
In fact, as part of the propensity for ’social bonding’ the typical female psyche involves a desire to be seen as ‘nice’ or ‘good’. This is a typical female ‘blind spot’, although it has been getting less common over time (Who knew that emancipation also meant: ‘the right to be bitchy’). In fact, if you find the right woman you can actually use a seduction technique referred to as the “nice trap”.
Posted by Scott in Psychology, Sociology