A woman must arouse men’s interest and attention in order to have choices available for mating. So, the female selection process relies heavily on having choices available prior to selecting a mate. This is quite logical because once she mates she may get pregnant, and then it is too late to change her mind. Natural selection has historically rewarded those women with good selection processes by allowing more of their offspring to survive to reproduce. The fact that it has been a successful behaviour for women has also ensured that a thorough selection process is quite common.

Therefore much of female sexual behaviour has always focussed on activities that make as many men as possible ‘available’. Dressing and acting in ways designed specifically to attract sexual interest from more than one male, is not just natural, it’s necessary to her selection process. It’s one of the reasons why women are (generally) better flirts than men. In general, the more male interest she gets, the more men are available to her, the better her selection process, the more successful her offspring will be, and the more likely the behaviour will be common to the next generation of females.

The problem is that male sexual interest is rather easily aroused and if women are very successful at attraction, they then have to develop sophisticated mechanisms for efficiently screening out obviously unwanted attention. Otherwise women would spend enormous time and energy trying to evaluate the large numbers of males ‘indiscriminately’ attracted to them. Although a man may know ‘in seven seconds’ if he is sexually interested in a woman, a woman’s evaluation is typically more complex and may take weeks or months. Bear in mind that these screens must not only efficiently weed out undesirable male interest (which may even be all of it) but the defences must be porous enough to allow in ‘viable male interest’.

So how does a woman decide what is viable, or desirable vs. non-viable or undesirable interest, particularly since the evaluation process is typically so time consuming and complex? The answer is that she establishes behaviour patterns and defensive postures that automatically block unwanted sexual interest but make exceptions to allow the other type through. In this sense a woman’s screening mechanisms will often serve two functions if they are well designed. The process should weed out the obviously undesirable to save time; and it should also serve as a qualification tool for mate selection.

In fact, most women do exactly that. Women have multiple levels of screening. You might make the first cut and be allowed to talk to her, but you get cut on the second round, before she wastes any serious flirting on you. At each level, only qualified suitors will be able to overcome the screens. Whatever men are able to overcome the obstacles and screens are, by definition, qualified, and therefore viable male interest. If the screens are also automatic, or ’standard’ she now has a very efficient process. This is particularly necessary if she is a ‘hot chick‘ getting a large volume of indiscriminate male interest.

This is why so many men are confused by women who dress ‘sexy‘ and act ‘flirty‘ as if to attract them but coldly reject them when they in interactions. They have been caught up in the initial indiscriminate attraction and then rejected by one of the subsequent screening processes. Remember, this behaviour evolved naturally over tens or hundreds of thousands of years. It’s there because it works for her. The purpose is to attract, qualify, and screen out potential mates efficiently. The fact that the screening process may be uncomfortable for those rejected is not just incidental. It makes further pursuit emotionally uncomfortable to dissuade unwanted males. In any case, a good ‘hotty‘ simply does not have enough time to ’sensitively’ evaluate the volume of male interest she probably gets. On some intuitive level most men recognize the ‘fairness’ of this process in the joke:

Q: What’s a Bitch?
A: A woman that won’t sleep with you!

Although this sounds sexist, it is really men recognizing their own psychologically frail perspective.

The point of all this, is that a woman may actively engage in attracting your sexual interest, even though she may not want it eventually. Because her selection process requires choices, she may want you to be available to her just to make her comfortable with her actual selection! And the behaviour is perfectly ‘natural’.

If you approach a woman and experience well developed automatic defences, take heart. Knowledge is power. Understanding what she is doing, why, when, and how, can give you the ability to get around her formidable behavioural screens and defensive postures.

You might also enjoy reading:-

• Simple test can diagnose women with low sexual desire
• Why Do Women ‘Tease’?
• Why men are visual and how this is exploited
• Mate Love
• Why Men Are More Visual

Posted by Scott in Psychology, Sociobiology

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