A while back, I was asked about on-line seduction; and so I typed up a few short notes, because I’d spent a little time a few years back working out how to meet and seduce people on-line, in various chat rooms, websites and on ICQ when it was first released… That was cool at the time, since you could just put the criteria of the people you wanted to meet into ICQ’s search engine, and you were almost always guaranteed to find a whole bunch of matches, on-line right now, and in your area too!

Unfortunately, nowadays no matter what you put into ICQ you just get back a bunch of bogus profiles advertising dodgy dating services or pornographic websites, whilst sensible people have removed their details from public view.

Now, I’m not saying it’s impossible to meet people using the internet, although if you can find a good chat room or IRC channel, what you will most likely discover is that the people you meet are often too young or not especially attractive, although there are a few notable exceptions. Make sure you get a picture of them before you do anything, and even then keep in mind that it could be several years old, before they had kids, gained 40Kg or maybe even not their picture at all. It’s very easy to convince yourself that they’re something special, and get disappointed when you find out they have a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp.

In the same way that some guys may be thinking it’s a lot less scary to meet women on line; women often think that way too, but have no intention of doing anything other than “making a new friend”. Furthermore, my advice is to screen out any woman that starts talking sexually to you, without your prompting it, since they most likely turn out to be after a fantasy (or some perverted guy pretending to be a girl). On the other hand, I’d recommend getting them to open up to you about their dreams and fantasies, and forgetting about anyone that won’t run with that topic, since obviously you want to be more than just a platonic friend.

A really bad idea is to get involved with this cybersex malarkey; girls I used to talk to on the net often told me that there’s a lot of horny losers around, and they’ll either be turned off by this or get involved in some explicit fantasy with a guy that enjoys one-handed typing, but then they’ll have no intention of doing anything more “for fear of spoiling the fantasy”.

I could suggest that you learn to talk about sex without saying anything specifically sexual, look for signs of interest (for example if they start asking about your relationships, and so on) and then when they’re really interested in you, point out that you need to leave, but because your busy with real life stuff you probably won’t catch them on-line again, so you should swap numbers if they want to continue the conversation some other time. I’ve never really liked exchanging email addresses, since for me it often turns into a long drawn out and usually boring email conversation. Similarly, with IM buddy lists, I don’t need a dozen girls paging me whenever I connect to the internet.

Once you’re on the phone with someone, it’s all standard procedure, get them to meet you somewhere, and then keep in mind that according to some statistical research I’ve seen (and my own non-scientific findings) there’s a good chance you’ll end up having sex. Just don’t expect to meet many highly rated or even particularly sane partners.

With regard to the Personals websites, I believe that’s more of a numbers game. I’ve tried those too, and I suspect that most half-decent looking girls are after a specific sort of guy that MUST fulfil a long list of criteria that she might or might not have listed in her profile. Keep in mind that those sites are extremely expensive, and if some girl picks your message out of the 1,000′s she’s getting from every other guy (if you don’t believe me, ask a girl who’s tried the personals) that’s thought “I know, let’s send a standard form e-mail to every girl on the site, and maybe I’ll get lucky”, then you really will be lucky… But then you’ll need to work out some way to avoid getting stuck in a massive, long, boring email exchange too.

Hmmm, did I ever mention that I gave the on-line stuff up, because real life is so much better?

Posted by Jonathan as Psychology, Sociology at 10:53 PM BST

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This seems a bit dubious, and is no doubt very oversimplified… I’ll post it anyway though, and you can make your own mind up.

It’s been claimed that a change of diet can increase sexual desire in women. Apparently, a girl should:

• Eat more fish oils and dark chocolate, to increase dopamine levels, which are associated with emotions of anticipation and desire.
• Control serotonin levels, by avoiding caffeine and other stimulants, such as cigarettes and sugary, starchy foods.
• Increase testosterone, by eating a small amount of protein at every meal, and cutting back on starchy and sugary carbohydrates.
• Eat libido foods – The article isn’t specific as to what these might be, but the best guess is that the author means eat as much fruit and vegetables as you like, but avoid white bread, sugar, potatoes and puddings.

Posted by Jonathan as Biochemistry, Sociology at 7:12 AM BST

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Biochemistry has always been a subject of interest to me; and since I saw this fascinating article discussing love and the brain’s biochemistry, some time ago, I figured it may be of interest to readers here.

Luckily I saved a copy, because the original article seems to have since disappeared from its original website. Therefore, I’ll repost my copy here, and people interested in Biochemistry may learn some things to their advantage.

My Love is Chemical by James Adams

(www.brain.com)

Valentine’s Day is here, Spring is approaching, and as the poet Tennyson wrote, “a young man’s fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love,” and he might have added, neurotransmitters and hormones. Researchers have begun to unlock the secrets behind the age-old mystery of love, and they’re finding that, for both men and women, the key really is in the chemistry.

“There’s no doubt in my mind that there are a whole series of biochemical pathways that are triggered when two people meet and are attracted to each other,” says James Weinrich, Adjunct Professor of Psychiatry at the University of California, San Diego. “One of those pathways would have to do with the experience of being ‘head-over-heels’ preoccupied with someone. Where you can’t get that person out of your head, they intrude into your thoughts, and everything that they do is remarkably charming to you.”

As anyone who has ever experienced it knows, the rush of falling “head-over-heels” in love is intoxicating. And it appears to be due, in part, to the effects of a neurotransmitter released by a region of the brain called the hypothalamus. That neurotransmitter, called “the molecule of love” by Theresa Crenshaw, M.D., author of The Alchemy of Love and Lust, is phenyl ethylamine (PEA).

“It causes that euphoria of falling in love. It gives that wonderful feeling, that feeling that this person that you’re attracted to can do no harm, this person has nothing wrong with them. When PEA is high is when ‘love is blind,” explains Robert Friar of Ferris State University in Michigan. It’s kind of a chemical Cupid, firing an arrow into the brain and firing up those feelings of falling in love.

However, PEA doesn’t act alone. When you meet someone that you’re attracted to, PEA works in conjunction with a whole slew of neurotransmitters floating around in that love-addled brain of yours, including dopamine, nor-epinephrine and serotonin. Dopamine may be involved in the “attention-getting” phase of attraction, signalling the brain that a potential reward, in this case a love interest, is nearby and helping focus your attention on that person. Nor-epinephrine gets your blood racing and primes you for action (or to flee, in some cases–it’s involved in the so-called “fight or flight” response), while serotonin is closely associated with the control of moods, which everyone knows can fluctuate drastically in the process of falling in love.

“It’s very complex,” says Friar. “When you’re discussing the neurotransmitters, it’s like listening to an orchestra,” he explains. “Unless all the instruments play together in the proper rhythm and the proper sequence, you won’t get the proper effect.” All the neurotransmitters are working together to create a complex behaviour that can be compared to a symphony.

In this case, a symphony of attraction and love, and that symphony can come to a final note. As most people have, at one time or another, experienced the thrill of falling in love, so have they experienced the fading of that initial excitement, a levelling off of the intense feelings of attraction, and possibly, a falling out of love.

What brings about the change from those original feelings? It seems that the effects of PEA have a time limit. “Typically PEA is released for three to five years,” says Friar, and he’s being optimistic. Other researchers put the end of PEA’s influence at 18 months to three years.

That may be the reason so many relationships tend to end in that time period. Once the initial thrill wears off, couples may drift apart. But obviously many stay together beyond this point in time. Some evidence suggests the reason is that a second biochemical pathway kicks in and helps the couple develop a longer-lasting relationship. This second pathway is involved in bonding and forming long term attachments and may be under the influence of at least two hormones, oxytocin and vasopressin.

The Hormones of Love
Testosterone is known to be important in regulating sexual desire in both men and women. It’s the hormone that helps create the desire to get out there and get that exciting neurotransmitter symphony going, but “there’s been a big bias in favour of the so-called sex hormones, like testosterone and oestrogen, to try to explain just about everything having to do with human sexuality,” says James Weinrich.

There appear to be other hormones involved in sexual behaviour, specifically in creating the next (perhaps slower) movement of the symphony, when committed couples “settle down” for a life together. One of the hormones, oxytocin, has been long known to be involved in childbirth and breast feeding in women.

Recent research in animals has shown that oxytocin plays a role in the bonding of mating pairs of prairie voles, a type of monogamous rodent. If a female prairie vole is given oxytocin and shown a male prairie vole, she will then pick out and bond with that specific male when later placed in cage containing many males.

Early studies in humans have suggested that women that produce higher levels of oxytocin during pleasant experiences, like massage or remembering a positive relationship, tended to have higher “well-being” in relationships.

Both men and women release oxytocin at the moment of sexual orgasm, suggesting that it might be involved in strengthening the bond between couples.

Another hormone, vasopressin, which is also known as anti-diuretic hormone, or ADH, and plays and important role in kidney function, has been shown to have an effect on male prairie voles similar to the effect oxytocin had on females.

“It’s not surprising to discover that there’s more than a sex steroid pathway that’s going on to influence the things that we humans associate with sexuality, namely bonding and love,” says Weinrich.

In Conclusion
As Robert Friar points out, there’s still much to be learned about the neurochemical basis of love and attraction. Much of the research has been conducted in animals, and it’s impossible to do the same experiments with human subjects, so results have to be extrapolated. And animal experiments are limited in the sense that, while you can measure levels of neurotransmitters and hormones, you can’t, in Friar’s words, “ask a rat how it feels.”

Some die-hard romantics might be appalled at the idea that love can be explained in terms of biochemistry, but an underlying chemical explanation doesn’t make the feeling of love any less real or intense. If one still needs some amount of mystery in relation to love, perhaps it lies in the question of how a complex system of chemical reactions can lead to the feelings and behaviours we associated with any type of emotion, including love. As James Weinrich says, “Give Mother Nature credit for being able to put together some pretty sophisticated and complicated mechanisms.” Mechanisms that scientists will be unravelling for many years to come.

Sources:

Crenshaw, Theresa L. The Alchemy of Love and Lust: How Our Sex Hormones Influence Our Relationships. Pocket Books; 1997.

Insel TR, Winslow JT, Wang Z, Young LJ. Oxytocin, vasopressin, and the neuroendocrine basis of pair bond formation. Advances in Experimental Medicine and Biology 1998;449:215-24.

Turner RA, Altemus M, Enos T, Cooper B, McGuinness T. Preliminary research on plasma oxytocin in normal cycling women: investigating emotion and interpersonal distress. Psychiatry 1999;62(2):97-113.

Posted by Jonathan as Art & Literature, Biochemistry at 7:42 AM BST

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In order to understand what is really going on with this phenomenon we need to stop projecting our male perspectives onto women. Actually this apparently annoying behaviour makes perfect sense when evaluated from the point of view of a woman.

One of the reasons that women engage in this ‘teasing‘ behaviour is because of their need to attract sufficient interested males to serve as potential mate selections, or choices. The problem for a woman is that for most of human history, sex all too often, meant a large investment of her reproductive availability, time, and energy in the genes of that particular male. For this reason alone, it has always been critical for a woman to make a good choice in the first place.

Because of this biological reality many female mammals have evolved the tendency to remain sexually unreceptive without at least the availability of choices. It becomes clear that the presence of choices is important for some women to have their sexual receptivity triggered at all. Other women may be triggered by outright competition for sexual access, such as dating many men or even getting them fighting. Ever wonder why so many women like guys fighting over them? They can be sexual triggers for a woman and some of them consistently instigate fights. Even with a highly desirable mate available, lack of sufficient choice can be sufficient for some women to remain sexually unreceptive.

Since the mere physical presence of males does not, on its own, provide a choice of mates for a female, it is the presence and availability of more than one interested male that triggers receptivity. So what should a woman do if she has an interested suitor and is in this psychology? Obviously, she should draw in others to compete with him.

Another reason that women engage in ‘teasing’ behaviour is because flirting is a sexual skill that has a useful purpose. However, this skill must be practiced just like any other, even if no mating results from it.

Women don’t actually set out to tease men. It just happens that attracting many men without mating with them is a sexual strategy that women have evolved to help them make the best of their biology. This behaviour evolved because it is successful. The fact that it makes the unsuccessful suitors uncomfortable is biologically irrelevant.

Posted by Scott as Psychology, Sociobiology at 1:15 AM BST

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A newspaper recently claimed that sex on a first date causes chemical changes in the brain that are associated with the build-up of commitment, bonding and trust, and ultimately lead to love.

This claim originated from material published in Biologists Dr Barry Gibb’s new book “The Rough Guide to the Brain“. He explains: “During sex and particularly orgasm, the hormones oxytocin and vasopressin are released…”

This information has been around for several years, and I first saw it in a fascinating article by James Adams at brain.com (which I can’t seem to find it at the moment) that discussed the brains biochemistry and the rush of falling in love, although (If I recall correctly) dopamine, serotonin and nor-epinephrine were also mentioned.

There’s a fascinating article about the calming (and pair-bonding) effects of Oxytocin at New Scientist. And a very detailed review of sex hormones at the Journal of Endocrinology.

Posted by Jonathan as Art & Literature, Biochemistry at 11:53 PM BST

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We have seen the book ‘Sperm Wars‘ cited as some type of super seduction guide several times, by several different people. This is quite puzzling, because the highly controversial ‘Kamikaze Sperm Hypothesis‘, which is the main theory behind the motivation for this book was only ever a biological theory that caught the media’s attention for a short span of time.

The Kamikaze Sperm Hypothesis has never been proven, and the author offers very little evidence for his theories in this book, or even his previous ones. In fact, the book has no index, no bibliography and mentions no other researchers; it therefore denies the reader the opportunity to examine more rigorous scientific studies that may give some evidence for the proposals put forward in the book.

Sperm Wars could by no means be classed as serious science; I suppose this is why the cover notes feature quotations from Cosmopolitan and Elle magazine, rather than any vaguely scientific publication.

The author, Robin Baker, proposes that something called ‘Sperm warfare‘ is the basis of all human life, and that everything we do, either consciously or unconsciously is to ensure the survival of our genes, and to pass our DNA to future generations. So, apparently every aspect of sex i.e. doing it, wanting it, talking about it etc. is because of this theory.

The author then takes his insights into the biology of sexual behaviour further, and mixes in a lot of speculation with it. The resulting book is a collection of thirty seven sexually explicit narrative sexual scenarios: such as sex in the woods, bad dates, drunken confrontations and husband-swapping; each of which Baker attempts to explain in terms of evolutionary biology, and Sperm competition.

Whilst the book claims to be grounded in evolutionary theory and natural selection, the reader is not given any sort of detailed explanation of either.

For those who may not be aware, Sperm competition is a scientific theory that has been around for about thirty or forty years. It has most often been applied to non-human animals, and uses evolutionary biology as an attempt to provide an explanation for how ejaculations from different males compete to fertilize the eggs of a single female. Robin Baker and a former collaborator (Mark Bellis) took sperm competition several steps further, and used extrapolation of animal models and behaviours, to claim that this theory works in humans.

So, the Wars referred to in the title of the book concerns competition between two or more men’s sperm within the same women, and also a sort of ‘battle of the sexes‘ that may occur between a male and female sexual pairing.

In the first type of sperm war, Baker claims that different types of sperm are each programmed to carry out a specific function. Some are ‘Egg getters’, programmed to attempt to fertilize the female’s ovum. The remainder, often the vast majority, are programmed for a Kamikaze role. Instead of attempting to find and fertilize ova themselves; their role is to reduce the chances that the egg will be fertilized by sperm from any other male.

In the second type of sperm war, Baker claims that a woman’s body might be ‘trying’ to avoid conceiving with a particular man, whereas a man’s body will be ‘trying’ to fertilize her egg.

Both types of ‘Wars’ are highlighted through the book, to illustrate various sexual behaviours and experiences that fulfil the objectives of each type of battle.

Unfortunately, the author fails to mention that other researchers have failed to reproduce most of the experiments that underpin his research, and that his Kamikaze Sperm Hypothesis has been disproved repeatedly by scientists, using more modern data and analysis.

The book therefore only seems to be a cursory nod to science, followed by an immoderate attempt to appeal to Frat boys, using fierce imagery of chemical warfare and destruction occurring inside women’s bodies, as different sperm do battle to the death.

Posted by Jonathan as Art & Literature, Reviews, Sociobiology at 1:39 AM BST

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