• You’re good enough to do this for a living!
• You’re almost as good as my ex!
• You’ll still vote for me, won’t you?
• You woke me up for that?
• You sweat more than a galloping stallion!
• You mean you’re not my blind date?
• You look younger than you feel
• You could at least act like you’re enjoying it!
• When would you like to meet my parents?
• What tampon?
• What are you planning to make for breakfast?
• Were you by any chance repressed as a child?
• Try not to smear my make-up, will you?
• This would be more fun with a few more people!
• They’re not cracker crumbs, it’s just a rash!
• That leak better be from the waterbed!
• Sorry about the name tag, I’m not very good with names
• So that’s why they call you Mr. Flash!
• So much for the fulfilment of sexual fantasies!
• Smile, you’re on Candid Camera!
• Put that blender back in the kitchen where it belongs!
• Oprah Winfrey had a show about men like you!
• On second thoughts, let’s turn off the lights
• Now I know why he/she dumped you…
• My old girlfriend used to do that a lot longer
• Maybe we should call Dr. Ruth…
• Long kisses clog my sinuses
• Keep the noise down, my mother is a light sleeper
• I’ve slept with more women than Casanova
• It’s so nice to be in bed with a woman I don’t have to inflate!
• Is that you I smell, or is it your mattress stuffed with rotting potatoes?
• Is that blood on the headboard?
• I’m only doing this for a raise
• I’ll tell you who I’m fantasizing about, if you tell me who you’re fantasizing about
• I’ll bet you didn’t know I work for the National Enquirer
• If you quit smoking, you might have more endurance
• I was so horny tonight I would have taken a duck home!
• I want a baby!
• I told you it wouldn’t work without batteries!
• I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs?
• I think you have it on backwards
• I really hate women who actually think sex means something!
• I hope you’re as good looking when I’m sober
• I have a confession…
• How long do plan to be “almost there”?
• Hey, when is it going to be my friends turn?
• Have you seen “Fatal Attraction”?
• Have you ever considered liposuction?
• Got any penicillin?
• Don’t worry, my dog’s really friendly for a Doberman!
• Don’t mind me… I always file my nails in bed
• Does your husband own a sawn-off shotgun?
• Does this count as a date?
• Do you get the Playboy channel?
• Do you accept Visa?
• Did you know the ceiling needs painting?
• Did I remember to take my pill?
• Did I mention the video camera?
• Did I mention my transsexual operation?
• Did I ever tell you, my Aunt died in this bed?
• Can you pass me the remote control?
• But whipped cream makes me break out in a rash
• But my cat always sleeps on that pillow
• Are you sure I don’t know you from somewhere
• Are those real, or am I just behind the times?
• And to think: I was really trying to pick up your friend!
• And to think: I didn’t even have to buy you dinner!
• A little rug burn never hurt anyone
• A good plastic surgeon can take care of that in no time!
• (In a Motel) Hurry up! This place charges by the Hour!
• (During a threesome) Why am I doing all the work?

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Posted by Jonathan in Humour