- You’re good enough to do this for a living!
- You’re almost as good as my ex!
- You’ll still vote for me, won’t you?
- You woke me up for that?
- You sweat more than a galloping stallion!
- You mean you’re not my blind date?
- You look younger than you feel
- You could at least act like you’re enjoying it!
- When would you like to meet my parents?
- What tampon?
- What are you planning to make for breakfast?
- Were you by any chance repressed as a child?
- Try not to smear my make-up, will you?
- This would be more fun with a few more people!
- They’re not cracker crumbs, it’s just a rash!
- That leak better be from the waterbed!
- Sorry about the name tag, I’m not very good with names
- So that’s why they call you Mr. Flash!
- So much for the fulfilment of sexual fantasies!
- Smile, you’re on Candid Camera!
- Put that blender back in the kitchen where it belongs!
- Oprah Winfrey had a show about men like you!
- On second thoughts, let’s turn off the lights
- Now I know why he/she dumped you…
- My old girlfriend used to do that a lot longer
- Maybe we should call Dr. Ruth…
- Long kisses clog my sinuses
- Keep the noise down, my mother is a light sleeper
- I’ve slept with more women than Casanova
- It’s so nice to be in bed with a woman I don’t have to inflate!
- Is that you I smell, or is it your mattress stuffed with rotting potatoes?
- Is that blood on the headboard?
- I’m only doing this for a raise
- I’ll tell you who I’m fantasizing about, if you tell me who you’re fantasizing about
- I’ll bet you didn’t know I work for the National Enquirer
- If you quit smoking, you might have more endurance
- I was so horny tonight I would have taken a duck home!
- I want a baby!
- I told you it wouldn’t work without batteries!
- I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs?
- I think you have it on backwards
- I really hate women who actually think sex means something!
- I hope you’re as good looking when I’m sober
- I have a confession…
- How long do plan to be “almost there”?
- Hey, when is it going to be my friends turn?
- Have you seen “Fatal Attraction”?
- Have you ever considered liposuction?
- Got any penicillin?
- Don’t worry, my dog’s really friendly for a Doberman!
- Don’t mind me… I always file my nails in bed
- Does your husband own a sawn-off shotgun?
- Does this count as a date?
- Do you get the Playboy channel?
- Do you accept Visa?
- Did you know the ceiling needs painting?
- Did I remember to take my pill?
- Did I mention the video camera?
- Did I mention my transsexual operation?
- Did I ever tell you, my Aunt died in this bed?
- Can you pass me the remote control?
- But whipped cream makes me break out in a rash
- But my cat always sleeps on that pillow
- Are you sure I don’t know you from somewhere
- Are those real, or am I just behind the times?
- And to think: I was really trying to pick up your friend!
- And to think: I didn’t even have to buy you dinner!
- A little rug burn never hurt anyone
- A good plastic surgeon can take care of that in no time!
- (In a Motel) Hurry up! This place charges by the Hour!
- (During a threesome) Why am I doing all the work?
Posted by Jonathan in Humour