I find myself having some strange conversations these days; recently I spoke to a lady that lamented the fact that whilst she had hoped to start a relationship, all the gentlemen she had met had used her for sex, and then left her.
This of course is due to the defective information peddled by ‘Dating experts’ (which a casual browse through the titles on offer by Amazon reveals are nearly all written by women). Now, I think it’s fair to say that women have not experienced life from a male perspective, and in the same way, men have not experienced life from a female perspective. Therefore writing a book telling a different sex how they should behave seems like the ultimate in arrogance, to me.
However, I do know this; many women will say they prefer to have attention, music, moonlight, romantic walks, candlelit dinners and a sense of connection etc. first in a relationship; whereas most men would prefer to have sex first. Of course, both sets of activities are enjoyable, and both are important parts of a long term relationship.
Now, a woman might enjoy all the romance etc. without sex, and a man can enjoy sex without romance. But, if you give a woman sex only or a man romance only, neither is likely to be very happy, and the relationship becomes unstable. To put it crudely, a sort of trade takes place in a successful relationship.
So, if a man expects just sex, but doesn’t want to create any romance, then the woman will tend to end up dumping him, because he is a ‘Playa’ using her for sex. And if a woman expects just romance, without sex, then he will tend to end up dumping her, because she is just using him for emotional stimulation.
Intelligent, witty, charming men that understand psychology and can create the right emotions will tend to be very successful with women. And thus, when women choose them, they take a big risk. Whereas if they were looking to stay in a steady relationship, in the way dating experts describe, then they should really choose a geek: after all, geeks tend to be quite clever, most likely have a good job doing things with computers or in accountancy, and will tend to stick to just one woman; and once they do get one, they would do anything they can for her.
Therefore, we can only wonder why, if a woman chooses a ‘Playboy’ or a ‘Playa’, why does she freak out, when she discovers that he also has two or three other girlfriends? Obviously, if a man is ‘good’ with women, then he will in all likelihood have more than one… After all, how do you think he became ‘good’ with women in the first place?
This misunderstanding comes about because of the lies and falsehoods perpetuated by ‘Dating’ guides, such as telling women that they should pretend that they don’t enjoy sex, and they shouldn’t have it until they’ve known a man for some (quite lengthy) period of time. So, a girl that does want to have sex will end up saying that she doesn’t want sex, until the man acts like he wants a relationship with her… However, by that time, it becomes a ‘grudge fuck’ because the girl made the guy jump through so many hoops to have sex with her, when he knew that she wanted to have sex, and she wanted to have sex with him too. But instead, she made him lie to her and act like he was going to be with her after they had sex; when instead, she could have remained a friend (a very special friend, with whom she shared an orgasm or ten). But the Dating guide told her to make him play stupid games, so he ends up ‘fucking a bitch’ instead of making love with a friend.
Posted by Jonathan in Philosophy, Psychology